worth – mayah's site

look on the bright side

gratitude is a deliberate choice. i’ll say it again, gratitude is a deliberate choice. you get to choose how you want to view situations. you get to choose how you want to talk about situations. you may not get to choose the situation. but you get to choose how you react to it.

i woke up this morning feeling very grateful and loved. i had ideas for rebranding and connecting my blog, twitter and instagram. i’ve been getting excited because i have more time to exercise, do yoga and do my hair. excited to sleep and get to recharge. i was feeling grateful for my family and my partner and overall feeling very happy. i had already done one of my workouts and some meditation.

then i had a thought of a situation that happened that made me feel unloved. it was time for me to follow a yoga class (one of the studios i thought about doing YTT at has free online classes right now), which i was also very grateful for. as i started the class i released the sad thoughts and started focusing more on my breath.

after the class was over i felt much better and went on to complete my morning routine. while i was doing it, anytime the sad thought would come back i would not give it any attention. i have so much to be grateful for and so many situations where i feel loved. why would i focus on the ones that i don’t?

i decided to focus my energy on being grateful. gratitude allows you to reflect on the good. there’s always something to be grateful for.

my message of the week for myself is take care. so the message of this post will be to take care of yourself by focusing on the good, investing in it and centering yourself in love and light. you got this!

maximize opportunities

our world has changed.

so what do we do know?

at first it can seem overwhelming to be at home, have more time to ponder and be unsure of what is going on in the world. here are some tips that i’ve used to create a smooth transition to this new life.

• clean your space- i started staying at home last Thursday and have thus far left the house twice (three times if you include that i got things from the store, brought them home and then went back out to the store). the first thing i did was clean. i disinfected and washed everything. it made me feel better and left my home a lot cleaner. everyday i have time scheduled in to clean so it’s not overwhelming. yesterday i cleaned the kitchen. today i cleaned my closets. tomorrow i’ll organize the kitchen and my desk. a little cleaning each day has made me feel so much better
• create a routine- these last few days i have strictly done no work and just taken time for myself. now that i’m ready to start working, i need a plan. i used the time block method so i have a calendar stating what i will do at what time. i know i thrive on schedules and want to maximize my time.
• do what makes me happy- yoga, eating good food, meditation, doing my hair and interactions with my loved ones make me happy. so i have carved out time for my favorite things within my schedule. a yoga studio i was thinking about doing YTT (yoga teacher training) at is currently offering free classes via YouTube. I did one today, as well as my own personal practice and it felt so good!
• invest in a passion- i’ve decided that i’m going to publish my poetry book i started last year during this time. i also have been wanting to rebrand myself (connecting my blog more to IG and possibly expanding into YouTube). so i’ll be working on content creation!
• healthy habits- “I’m only going to eat 1 cookie today.” and then you actually only eat one cookie. take this time to create healthy habits- working out, drinking at least 64 ounces of water a day, or even doing yoga. these are things people say they want to do, but claim they don’t have time. i get it- i never work out either. but i’ve decided i have no reason to not work out and will be doing so. struggling with your natural hair? take this time to learn it! check out my blog post (https://lovemayah.com/2019/08/29/my-hair-routine/) for my hair care regimen!
• creating firm boundaries- mostly with yourself and others. the consumption of fake news is at an all time high. choosing to not engage may be for the best. other boundaries can be harder but more worthwhile- choosing to eat 1 cookie instead of 3 is a good example.
• get some sleep- last but not least! get some sleep! taking care of your body is so so important! this is a time to rest and recharge! take advantage of it!

i’m writing a book (maybe? yes? no?)

yoga is the one thing in my life that will always make me feel better. writing sometimes makes me feel better, but always helps me think through what i’m going through. last year i started writing a book, about heartbreak and healing. it’s a collection of poetry that looks at heartbreak from multiple lenses, all from the perspective of the individual experiencing the pain. the collection in and of itself is raw, it explores many emotions that are painful and complex. i’m a few days into editing and honestly i love it. i can’t wait to see how the collection grows, what changes i make and how publishing works. while life is forcing me to sit and be still, i will be using my time to create, meditate and expand my yoga practice. i pray i grow stronger mentally, physically and emotionally. and i hope the same for you.

please enjoy one of the pieces from the book:

for years i was searching for someone like you
for someone to love.
i wanted more than anything to find you.

and today i looked up and i realized that i was the person i was waiting for all along.

that the universe was right that everything i needed truly was within me.
and i’m so sorry it took me so long to see it. but so grateful i see it now.

because my love you are amazing.
you are beautiful on the inside.
your heart is big and kind.
you think before you speak. you are deliberate with your words and on the occasion you are not you reflect. you think critically about what happened and why and what you were supposed to learn.
you work to diminish your ego, so that lesson may be easier for you.
because of your sensitive spirit words hurt you. and people hurt you. but you allow yourself to feel the pain and try very hard to get over it. even when it’s hard.
you admit when you are wrong. no matter how embarrassed it makes you feel.
and it took you a while to learn to admit when you needed help, but you’re learning it.

you love unconditionally and you set firm expectations
the act of you loving is healing to yourself and to others
you give just to give, but you demand to be respected.

you work hard to protect yourself and those you love.
your anxiety makes it so that you are prepared for every scenario possible because you made a promise to yourself over 7 years ago and you still work EVERYDAY to keep it your dedication to yourself and your growth is unparalleled.

you are loyal and honest. you hold the people you love to the highest standards because you know they can do it. you support without pushing, for you understand that everyone is learning where they are and if you interfere, they may not learn as much as they could. and to you, learning is the most important thing.

you know when it’s time to go. you leave early and return to a world that you created for yourself. you nourish your body and your soul, on purpose.

you stay away from things and people that have hurt you. you want more than anything to protect yourself. your boundaries with yourself may not always be easy to adhere to, but you know it’s worth it.

my love you are the greatest blessing in my world. you are a blessing to the world. and i promise that know that i see that, i will always remember it.

friendships

i was reading last night about how friendships are necessary because they help you learn how to love- how young children use familial and platonic relationships to create expectations of love.

then i got to pondering about my friendships, or rather my lack there of. throughout my life, i’ve cycled through friendships. it got to a point where i was almost having a new “bestie” per year. and i’ve got to thinking about why.

at this point i feel that most people i know have a really close friend, who they spend a lot of time with and care about. so it has allowed me to understand how they want to be loved/cared for. so when i see them interacting with others, i see expressions of love.

but when i reflect, i don’t see reflections of love. and it’s not that i have the same expectations for how they act in other relationships, it’s that i see that there is minimal effort put into loving and caring about me.

so my current dilemma is how to handle it. is it that i express how i want to be loved? or is it that i accept the persons actions and allow them to be themselves? in the latter that involves me making other decisions for the friendship, such as distancing myself for healing purposes.

but it leaves me in this cycle where i feel like i am getting to know people, seeing how they act, sitting back and realizing im not their to pick as a friend, but they’re mine. it’s longing for a friend that loves me and actually wants to hang out with me.

i am trying to be optimistic and prayerful for a friend. hopefully on this mountain i get one.

my presence

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the value of my presence. While I have for the most part valued my presence, I have come to realize that understanding the importance of your presence is essential for loving yourself. You have to know that you are important, irreplaceable and worthy of love. With this in mind, I’ve been being more conscious of the amount of effort I’m putting into other relationships. I want to be in relationships where my energy is matched. Where I feel that I can be my most authentic self. So that’s what I’ve decided to do. This summer, has really been a growing experience for me, and I’ve truly started to learn how to create boundaries and limit/increase my presence in certain situations.

One of the biggest things I’ve learned in this process is that relationships go through phases. And these phases serve purposes. While I am on this journey to love myself authentically, I’ve had a lot of alone time and also a lot of time with my mother. Experiencing the feeling of unconditional love from her (as an adult, instead of a child) really has helped me. It’s also made me more conscious of the fact that I’m important.

Today at the end of my yoga class, my instructor thanked me for coming. And after I was pondering on why my presence is always acknowledged. Because the same acknowledgment happened after I went to an event to talk about yoga teacher training, but the instructor explicitly told me that she loved my energy and I realized it’s because I am a light. My presence is important and healing, therefore it is important for me to be conscious of who I am allowing into my space but more importantly WHY i’m allowing them in my space.

I’m sharing this all to say, that acknowledging your self worth is crucial to loving yourself. So take that moment to really feel the importance of your presence.

And as always, remember it is all a growing process. Be patient with yourself.

vibration