i’m writing a book (maybe? yes? no?)

yoga is the one thing in my life that will always make me feel better. writing sometimes makes me feel better, but always helps me think through what i’m going through. last year i started writing a book, about heartbreak and healing. it’s a collection of poetry that looks at heartbreak from multiple lenses, all from the perspective of the individual experiencing the pain. the collection in and of itself is raw, it explores many emotions that are painful and complex. i’m a few days into editing and honestly i love it. i can’t wait to see how the collection grows, what changes i make and how publishing works. while life is forcing me to sit and be still, i will be using my time to create, meditate and expand my yoga practice. i pray i grow stronger mentally, physically and emotionally. and i hope the same for you.

please enjoy one of the pieces from the book:

for years i was searching for someone like you
for someone to love.
i wanted more than anything to find you.

and today i looked up and i realized that i was the person i was waiting for all along.

that the universe was right that everything i needed truly was within me.
and i’m so sorry it took me so long to see it. but so grateful i see it now.

because my love you are amazing.
you are beautiful on the inside.
your heart is big and kind.
you think before you speak. you are deliberate with your words and on the occasion you are not you reflect. you think critically about what happened and why and what you were supposed to learn.
you work to diminish your ego, so that lesson may be easier for you.
because of your sensitive spirit words hurt you. and people hurt you. but you allow yourself to feel the pain and try very hard to get over it. even when it’s hard.
you admit when you are wrong. no matter how embarrassed it makes you feel.
and it took you a while to learn to admit when you needed help, but you’re learning it.

you love unconditionally and you set firm expectations
the act of you loving is healing to yourself and to others
you give just to give, but you demand to be respected.

you work hard to protect yourself and those you love.
your anxiety makes it so that you are prepared for every scenario possible because you made a promise to yourself over 7 years ago and you still work EVERYDAY to keep it your dedication to yourself and your growth is unparalleled.

you are loyal and honest. you hold the people you love to the highest standards because you know they can do it. you support without pushing, for you understand that everyone is learning where they are and if you interfere, they may not learn as much as they could. and to you, learning is the most important thing.

you know when it’s time to go. you leave early and return to a world that you created for yourself. you nourish your body and your soul, on purpose.

you stay away from things and people that have hurt you. you want more than anything to protect yourself. your boundaries with yourself may not always be easy to adhere to, but you know it’s worth it.

my love you are the greatest blessing in my world. you are a blessing to the world. and i promise that know that i see that, i will always remember it.

día 22

Honestly, I don’t really know what has happened since day 19. But I’ll post three things for every day that I’ve missed. Doing this challenge has really allowed me to think about myself, my feeling sand really reflect on what I’ve learned everyday. Even when I have to catch up, I go back to the day and think about what I learned. There are lessons in everything and the sooner we learn them, the more prepared we are for the test.

  1. Go with the flow. Understand that everything is in divine order. Take some time to take care of you and relax. Get some rest. It’s so important to make sure you’re sleeping enough. I know over this break I’ve been sleeping a lot which has been so nice. My body has really needed it. Plus eating good homemade food and drinking lots of water has left me feeling like a new woman.
  2. Meditation and yoga is so important. I’ve really been slacking on both honestly. It’s harder because my yoga membership at home expired after the summer (I just did month to month) and then I did the semester pass at school. I’ve learned that I really have to focus on doing yoga. So for this whole week I’ve been doing a couple flows of yoga and I’ve really felt a difference. I want to get back into focusing on meditating and doing yoga everyday, because it helps keep me grounded. I think doing so will help me release all I need to as I’m approaching my new year.
  3. I received a grade that was lower than I deserved because of the relationship I had with the teacher. Though I was upset (it dropped my gpa down when it was my goal to increase my gpa), I realized that not everyone is fair. And that when I interact with others I want to be fair. Especially as a teacher. I want to make sure that I evaluate my students accurately, not based on any biases I have whatsoever.

be nice first

last night I came to a conclusion that honestly changed me. after a long conversation with my mom about my relationships in my life, I realized that I was afraid to let people be close to me. This is because of the past relationships I’ve had and how they’ve failed. Part of it is based off of fear that people will see me for the person I am and dislike me. But I have realized that someone’s opinion of me does not change the person I am. My actions, believes and heart create the person I am. Another thing I talked about with my mom was my “social awkwardness”. I just don’t know all the rules and social expectations in interactions with people that are my age, which is crucial in making friends. And honestly, after all I’ve been through I don’t know if I really want to make friends. My mom told me that the first thing I need to do is just be nice. This will involve me thinking about the way I talk to others. The job that I have as a teacher plays a crucial role in developing this skill. Since I’m working in a four year old classroom, I understand the way I interact with the children directly affects how they interact with other children, so I’ve been watching my words and my behaviors. I will just have to do the same with those that are my age. It’s going to be a journey, but I believe that being open will allow me to let more love into my life and overall be happier. I know it’s all going to be okay.

it’s been too long

honestly, it’s been over two weeks since I last blogged. I’ve been home, working from around 9-5 every day at a summer camp three minutes away from my house. I’m in love with it. I get the opportunity to directly impact lives and I’ll talk a little bit more later about how I noticed that. But overall I’ve been good. I’ve been slacking on my meditations, yoga and self-care, mostly cause I think I’ve been so tired I just haven’t done it. But this weekend I have vowed to start taking care of myself more- I’ll do my meditations tonight and tomorrow and I went to yoga today for the first time all week. I’ve got to do better. I have to consciously put myself first and take care of me. So that is what I’m going to do. but first I’ll fill you all in on my life.

  • summer camp

So I’m loving the camp that I work at. Originally I interviewed for the job in February but because I was leaving they told me if I was interested I could call in August to see if there was work available. They called my house while I was in Ecuador to see about me working there, so I started the Tuesday after I got back. Two weeks ago I worked as a sub in the six year old room and last week I worked in the four year old room originally as a sub but now I’m the second teacher. I love the students. Working with such small children has made me realize a few things. I need to watch my behavior and be nicer with how I talk to people; if I don’t want them doing it I should be acting differently. Two, all interactions affect children. One of the students in my class I often have to talk to because to be honest she does not like to listen. So we spend a lot of time talking, which is mostly me arguing with her about listening and participating. But on Friday she was coming back from the other class screaming and crying- and she ran to me. And in that moment I knew I am actually making a difference. They know I love them. They know I care. and most importantly, they trust me. I’m impacting lives. and that feeling is priceless.

  • self care

I mentioned earlier that my self care has been slacking. My plans to improve that include putting myself first. I just have to do what I did during school- take at least an hour a day for myself. I have a lot of free time after work but I actually have to use it wisely. I’m going to start packing pretty soon and making sure that every day I’m doing something for me- whether that is mediation, doing yoga at home, going to yoga or just reading outside. But I have to do something to love myself. I listened to a podcast when I was flying home from Quito, called Sincerely, X by TED (the first episode is called Dr. Burnout) and basically what I got from the podcast was that to be able to effectively help others, you first have to take care of yourself. So that’s what I have to do.



future teacher 

towards the end of last year, I was debating on what I wanted to major and minor in. I was interested in minoring through the sociology department (it’s called Law, Justice and Social Change). I thought the major would give me more ways to help my students. I want to teach and I always have known that, but I didn’t know if I wanted to do an elementary education major. the course is super specific and i would basically have to give up any opportunity to learn anything else in college. so when i went to the meeting, i knew that i was interested in the minor but didn’t know how i could fit that in, or study spanish (which i want to do so i remain fluent). so when i met with a counselor through the sociology department, she recommended i meet with a professor within the school of education. i met with maria, and honestly it changed my life. she told me that i could major in spanish and minor in whatever i wanted and could go to graduate school to become a teacher. since i already planned on going to graduate school it seemed like a perfect fit. she also wanted me to apply to this program called A2LP, where Michigan students work in Ann Arbor public schools in third or fourth grade to teach spanish and they gain upper level spanish credit (and the upper level credits are necessary to complete the major requirements). i had heard of the program before she mentioned it, but the rest of our conversation is what made me join. she told me she needed black teachers in the program, because there were a lack of black teachers and that students need teachers that they look like. she’s a former principal and she talked about the importance of representation in administration for students. i appreciated her honesty and i know about the importance of representation so i wanted/want to be that role model. so this year I will be teaching Spanish! i will have a teaching partner and i’m super excited. i had to send in a photo and a biography for the parents! so since my last professional photos were done my senior year (almost two years ago!!), I i did a photoshoot in my backyard (see pictures below). My mommy did a great job with the pictures (can you tell her twin brother is a professional photographer/videographer?!) right under this i have the bio i used. i’ve been waiting my whole life to start teaching officially and now the time is coming soon! ill keep you all posted. always remember to follow your dreams, because your happiness is all that matters.

¡Hola! My name is Mayah and I am ecstatic about working with your children this fall! I have been working with kids for a little over four years. Some of my experiences in education include teaching English to Ecuadorian students and working as a translator at Foundations Preschool in Ann Arbor. I am passionate about equitable education for all students so I plan to major in Spanish and attend graduate school to study Elementary Education.

(this is the photo I submitted!)