just a lil sunshine

while the big storm rolled past, destroying all of what was left, a month ago, the gap in my chest was overwhelming. i was scared. tired. anxious and honestly confused.

after the storm hit, things settled. it still consistenly rained. there was little sun, mostly partly cloudy.

thrice, since the big storm has hit, i’ve felt the sun. the first time, i wrote in a note to myself “yesterday was the first day i have felt happiness since…” i felt geniunely good. and had geniunely laughed. it was amazing.

the second time i felt the sun, i was leading a private yoga class. it was warm and i was excited. i was determined to let the sunshine.

today, was the third time. i’ve been getting up and walking about three miles and doing meditation and yoga for the past five days. and today, after eating breakfast and showering, i felt the sunshine.

the sunshine reminds me that emotions are fleting and to continue embracing the rain. because one cannot exist without the other, not in a balanced state at least.

i’ve been learning to sit with my grief. while walking, i’ve started listening to alex elle’s “hey girl” podcast. one that really shifted my perspective was her talk with jamila reddy, about greeting grief at the door.

after the storm, i spent a couple weeks just wishing the storm would’ve never happened. living in this interesting state of midn where i was in denial that the storm had happened, because the damage was so bad. it felt like i was living in a nightmare, just waiting and waiting to wake up.

after the third week, i had a moment where i was like “mayah, this is reality.” and being like i need to do what’s best for me to heal and clean up this mess.

now, four weeks later, i’ve felt the sunshine and i know that with due time, i will keep feeling the sunshine.

life after loss is complicated. and the best thing i can truly be patient with myself, knowing that i am trying. i’m learning that it’s okay to not be okay. to go with the ebbs and flows of emotions while knowing that they just are ebbs and flows and that the pain will pass.

so to wherever you are in your clean up, just please know that there will be sunshine. eventually.


mercury is in retrograde

For me, when I hear the words “mercury is in retrograde”, I’m automatically reanalyzing any communication/ technological issues I have been having. I will say I’m a lot more patient when mercury is in retrograde and I strive to communicate as effectively as possible. Many people are unfamiliar with mercury retrograde and honestly it’s a shame. Becuase it explains so much, which I will explain to you.

  • What is it?
    • Mercury goes into retrograde when it’s direction to the Sun changes. Since Mercury is the closest planet to the sun, the direction of the planet to the sun changes quiet often.
  • How often does it happen a year?
    • This happens four times a year. It is in direct correlation with the Earth Zodiac signs. So it happens during Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo and Sagittarius/Capricorn. With that being said it happens during the winter, spring, end of summer/beginning of fall and winter again.
  • How do I know when it is?
    • I use the Old Farmer’s Almanac as my primary source. It has been in effect from August 30th and will end the 22nd of September. It will start again at the end of the year, from December 19th- 31st. (ps. that’s my favorite time of the year because my birthday is the 24th of December). But it is very common to feel the affects of mercury being in retrograde before or after it happens.
  • What is affected?
    • Mainly communication is affected, but technology can also be affected. During this time there may be a lot of miscommunication if you’re not careful. It’s common during this period of time to have arguments over communication with those closest to you, or to get frustrated because your bluetooth won’t connect to your stereo (that is a problem I’m having as of right now). Just remember to be patient and understand that this is a time to reflect on your communication skills. The Old Farmer’s Almanac has an option on their website to see how the retrograde affects your zodiac sign. I recommend you check it out!


summer skin care 

During the summer it is important to take care of your skin. Though many people don’t feel the need to wear sunscreen, it is really important to wear it when you’re in the sun for long periods of time. Sunscreen protects from sunburns but most importantly it protects from skin cancer. The face moisturizer, Restorative Day Crème by Arbonne , which keeps my T zone from getting so oily. It also has SPF 20 in it. I also use Blistex’s Medicated Berry Balm, which has SPF 15 in it. It leaves my lips pretty soft and I like it a lot. It’s not so oily like Bath and Body Work’s Rose Salve (which is one of my other favorites). The sun is really good for you (it’s healing and gives you vitamin D) but you have to make sure you’re staying safe!! 

july 5th

In honor of fourth of July being yesterday, I want to post some pictures that I took at my local fireworks on the third of July. Though my feeling of Independence Day are mixed (mostly because slaves weren’t even free), I think it’s an opportunity to really be with your family and enjoy the summer. Summer is really just beginning and it’s going to be great! Remember that the sun is healing and staying out in the sun is good for you!

meditation and healing

Meditating is one of my favorite things to do. It calms me down and allows me to be centered. Being centered allows me to think clearer and overall just be happy. Recently I’ve been meditating more outside and today I had an amazing experience meditating standing by my tree. It allows you to be more grounded and it felt amazing. I can’t really describe it, but it was an experience. I’ve also been trying to spend a lot of time outside to get sun (which is really healing). Just a few minutes of meditating outside really made my day! try it out for yourself!