Tag Archives: self love

building self trust

within these past couple months i’ve been working on building a stronger relationship with myself. as with all relationships, this has taken a lot of time, consistency and effort.

yesterday i finished day 40 of 40 of walking at least three miles and day 11 of 11 of meditating twice daily (30 min each). Cultivating specific time for myself was a conscious decision. I chose myself of over things. I gave myself the time that I needed to just be. I gave myself permission to feel my feelings. to explore, let grief and whatever other emotions wash over me.

i have anxiety, so often it was really difficult for me to trust my emotions. i would be upset about “small” things. i would panic over situations where i later felt i shouldn’t have. one thing i really learned was that while feelings aren’t facts, they do have a purpose. i’ve been using the questions “What can I learn about myself from this feeling? What is it telling me I care about? What is it telling me I need? What can I do today to make space for all of my emotions?” while my feelings aren’t facts, they are messages. so feeling them and searching for deeper meaning has brought me closer to myself.

making promises to myself and keeping them has been something i’ve always struggled with. i would do things like say i’m going to bed early and not. or say i’m not going to work late, and still work late. i’ve been working on setting firmer, yet flexible boundaries with myself. last night, i said i was going to bed at 10, and i was in the bed by 10:05. i think things like that will not only help me feel better (more sleep lol) but let me know that i can make promises and come through, for myself, like i do for others.

just like how i’ve worked to train my dog to do things, i’ve had to work with myself to create habits that are long lasting.

i saw something recently that basically said how you spend your days is in fact how you spend your life. i want to spend my life doing things that i love. and that starts with intentional actions.

so cheers to myself. i’m currently trying to figure out what i’ll be doing next LOL!

today, i bought shea butter for the first time

today, i bought shea butter for the first time. i’ve been using shea butter, almost daily, for years now, yet i’ve never bought it for myself.

when i first was introduced, my sister’s boyfriend had bought me some. that lasted me for a very long time. then my sister bought me some. and most recently, my ex-girlfriend bought me some (which i still have a lot left, i just left it in atlanta).

so since i left my shea butter in atlanta, i’ve been without it for a few weeks. and today, i went to the store and got some.

that’s a huge deal for me for a couple of reasons-

  1. i haven’t really left the house- today i truly wanted to leave the house and felt more comfrotbale outside of my home than i have in a long time.
  2. it was a step towards independence- i’ve been relying on other people, whether on purpose or not (i’ve told myself it was because it was hard to find but truly i can’t say that’s 100% true), to do something that i could have done. and now that i have done it, on my own, i know that i can do it again.

as i prepare to enter this next phase in my life, where i am going through things on an individual journey, it’s moments like these where i am reminded that i can do this. there are many things that, due to habit, i’ve chosen to not do alone. but i’m learning that those are truly just excuses. so i am choosing to embrace this new journey, while acknowledging that this was not my choice.

also, the shea butter was really good. i got the eczema butter from pure shea . check them out!