things change

As you all know, I’m always advocating for living your best life, and making the best decisions for you. One part of that that we often forget about is the releasing of guilt. My yoga teacher yesterday talked about how we need to let go of any guilt we have, because it doesn’t serve us. When things change, you have to make different decisions. And some times, that means that you feel guilty when these decisions are made. It’s just part of putting yourself first. I’ve been doing a lot of things lately that have involved putting me first, and though I know it’s the right thing to do, I sometimes feel bad doing it. But I shouldn’t feel bad. I need to put myself first and so do you. Understand that guilt is a natural emotion and let it go. Everything changes and you don’t need to feel guilty for going with the flow. Just be happy that you’re growing. My roommate told me: change is uncomfortable but if you never change you’ll never grow and you don’t want to be 45 still acting 19. So embrace the change, it’s necessary for your growth.

alone time

one of the things I love the most is my own space. I enjoy it just being me. Sometimes, especially if there are a lot of people, I will purposely not go do something simply just to have my own space. It’s not that I dislike being around other people, it’s because I’m learning to protect my energy. During the first kundalini class I went to with my mother, we did this exercise were we purposely discussed all of the things that were “going wrong” in our lives with God. One of the things I mentioned was “why can’t I make friends?”; majority of the friendships I’ve had have ended, and I only really have two friends, and I don’t always talk to one of them that often. And I got a response from God very quickly; He said “It’s because you need to protect your energy”. I am a ray of sunshine (these are words from others but I agree completely) and I am a healer. Because of this, I feel like people are drawn to my bubbly personality, my caring spirit and quirky ways. But I have to protect my energy. It’s currently been a period of adjustment learning to do that. I feel as if when I’m in a group who wants me to go along, I have to assert my independence. It’s stepping into my power and really taking control over my life and what I want to do. I feel that this is an important lesson for me. Because the work that I’m doing in this lifetime is extremely important so I’m learning to allow others opinions of me simply be their opinions. It’s a process. One thing I’ve been doing to help a lot is yoga and meditation. It’s really been helping. So as I sit in my room right now, alone I embrace this space. I wanted a single, but having to share a room is exercising this muscle of control over myself, my power and my energy. I completely get to choose who I do interact with and how much. So my answer to things has been no a lot lately and it’s liberating. I’m in the driver’s seat in my life. And I think I need this experience to love that role.

importance of honesty

“the truth will set you free”. I really believe this to be true. Honesty is always something that is necessary to have any type of relationship. I believe that if you are honest, it displays that you’re more serious about the relationship (even if it’s just a friendship). Being able to communicate openly and honestly is a really big deal, because it’s what brings people close. And I’m not saying that you have to tell everyone your business. I’m just saying that in order to maintain healthy relationships, honestly needs to be a core value. You deserve to have people in your life who love you, who care about you and who are honest with you. But you also need to make sure that you’re that way with others. You cannot always change the situation, but you can change how you act and how you react. Be honest with yourself and really feel your feelings. Express how you feel- it does make you vulnerable but it really brings people closer. The first relationship I was really able to put this into practice was with my roommate Kaitlyn. Instead of making small talk, we talked about deep issues. Our fears, our dreams, little details that make us who we are. It has allowed for us to communicate effectively and really become very close. I accept her for who she is and she accepts me for me. This would have probably happened, but us communicating openly and honestly from the beginning really allowed for a great friendship to form. So I’m telling you- just be honest. Be upfront. Be vulnerable. Because you will learn so much more about yourself when you put yourself out there. Trust in the process because whatever is meant to happen will happen! Just be brave!!

hair care regime changes

as the weather begins to get colder it’s time for an updated hair care regime! My roommate is still braiding my hair which has lead to a lot of growth in my hair (the picture of my hair pressed and curled is from the beginning of October, when I went home for fall break). I just wanted to share some tips for winterizing your hair routine!

  1. Deep condition weekly- Deep conditioning will help keep your hair moisturized, which is really important as the weather changes. I’ve read up on the benefits of warming up your deep conditioner prior to deep conditioning for added softness but I haven’t tried it. I have started to use Raw Shea Butter Deep Treatment Mask by Shea Moisture and I love it. I originally started using it because my roommate does and I’m glad I did! I still deep condition with my regular conditioners and add coconut oil, prior to putting on a plastic shower cap and sitting under my drier for about 25 minutes (twenty medium heat, 5 cool) 
  2. Eliminate coconut oil- My friends and I have a joke about how coconut oil is God’s second best creation (after Black women). I use coconut oil as a part of my everyday routine and I love it. Recently I’ve read a variety of reports that say that coconut oil (since it freezes at cold temperatures) will make your hair dull. In substitute for coconut oil my plan is to use olive oil, which is one of my favorites. I also use shea butter. 
  3. Protective style. I cannot stress this enough! Not only will it help your hair grow but it’s super cute! Braids  also keep your hair moisturized, which is why I’m able to go about five days without co-washing. It’s important to make sure you’re still hydrating your hair. I do the LOC method about every night. 

stay fabulous! and may all your days be great hair days!

braids, weaves & curls

As you know from my last hair post, I’ve been wearing my hair in braids since I’ve gotten to college. It works out really nice because my roommate does my hair and it gives us a chance to have some really deep conversation for concentrated periods of time. So what normally happens is I pick the hair style off of Pinterest (which is one of my favorite apps) and she’ll recreate it for me. This system works really nice but I noticed something. And that is what I want to talk about.

  • Weaves affect perceptions on hair. I think weaves are great honestly. Though I’ve never had a weave, many of the young women that I’m close with wear weaves. So I have learned about weaves in my life. I think that when used correctly, they allow you to hair versatility in your hair styles and can grow your hair out a lot. Understanding this is one of the reasons why I wanted to start having my hair cornrowed. I can’t wear weaves because I have eczema in my scalp. Due to this, I wash my hair about every ten days, so it would be almost pointless to have a weave for ten days. I also am scared that it would irritate my scalp and to me it’s just not worth it, so I’ll just admire weaves from a far. The only reason I’m bringing this up to to bring awareness about this issue.
    • In the black community weaves are very popular. Majority of weaves end up going well on your back, creating expectations for hair length that aren’t often reached. Of course it is possible for black women to grow out their hair down to their butt, but many don’t. So when it’s time to recreate these styles, it is easy to expect these styles on natural hair to match styles with added hair. I’m saying all this to say, that my hair is never going to look like those girls on pinterest. Because my hair isn’t way down my back (it is almost at my armpit) and that’s honestly a good length. I just wanted to spread awareness that it’s okay if your hair isn’t down to your butt, because for most people that’s not a reality. Weaves are great, but they shouldn’t be your expectation for your real hair. But great weaves should be your expectation for your own weave.

Just remember that growing your hair out is a journey. When hair is added to styles, it changes the way the look. Either with weave or without is completely your choice, just remember to love your hair the way it is!