i’m writing a book (maybe? yes? no?)

yoga is the one thing in my life that will always make me feel better. writing sometimes makes me feel better, but always helps me think through what i’m going through. last year i started writing a book, about heartbreak and healing. it’s a collection of poetry that looks at heartbreak from multiple lenses, all from the perspective of the individual experiencing the pain. the collection in and of itself is raw, it explores many emotions that are painful and complex. i’m a few days into editing and honestly i love it. i can’t wait to see how the collection grows, what changes i make and how publishing works. while life is forcing me to sit and be still, i will be using my time to create, meditate and expand my yoga practice. i pray i grow stronger mentally, physically and emotionally. and i hope the same for you.

please enjoy one of the pieces from the book:

for years i was searching for someone like you
for someone to love.
i wanted more than anything to find you.

and today i looked up and i realized that i was the person i was waiting for all along.

that the universe was right that everything i needed truly was within me.
and i’m so sorry it took me so long to see it. but so grateful i see it now.

because my love you are amazing.
you are beautiful on the inside.
your heart is big and kind.
you think before you speak. you are deliberate with your words and on the occasion you are not you reflect. you think critically about what happened and why and what you were supposed to learn.
you work to diminish your ego, so that lesson may be easier for you.
because of your sensitive spirit words hurt you. and people hurt you. but you allow yourself to feel the pain and try very hard to get over it. even when it’s hard.
you admit when you are wrong. no matter how embarrassed it makes you feel.
and it took you a while to learn to admit when you needed help, but you’re learning it.

you love unconditionally and you set firm expectations
the act of you loving is healing to yourself and to others
you give just to give, but you demand to be respected.

you work hard to protect yourself and those you love.
your anxiety makes it so that you are prepared for every scenario possible because you made a promise to yourself over 7 years ago and you still work EVERYDAY to keep it your dedication to yourself and your growth is unparalleled.

you are loyal and honest. you hold the people you love to the highest standards because you know they can do it. you support without pushing, for you understand that everyone is learning where they are and if you interfere, they may not learn as much as they could. and to you, learning is the most important thing.

you know when it’s time to go. you leave early and return to a world that you created for yourself. you nourish your body and your soul, on purpose.

you stay away from things and people that have hurt you. you want more than anything to protect yourself. your boundaries with yourself may not always be easy to adhere to, but you know it’s worth it.

my love you are the greatest blessing in my world. you are a blessing to the world. and i promise that know that i see that, i will always remember it.

writing

I think I’m going to write a book of poetry. I’ve written so much within the last week; like 18 pages of poetry. Writing is a way to heal. And i’m committed to healing; I deleted all of my social media apps, and have just been trying to be in more positive spaces. One of my friends is going through a really similar situation, and she’s been really helpful. So I will keep writing, keeping healing and growing and I hope you do the same.

the pic is just one of my favorite poems (i love the form).

butterflies

To whom it may concern,

I am a butterfly

I have wings that spread far, places to travel and tons of things to do

My spirit is too large and loving to be contained in one spot

I’m untraditional in every sense of the word and ask two things of you

first, please look without touching. beauty is meant to be admired, not contained

second, give me my space. everyone knows that wings need space to fly

please remember, that through it all i love you. and if you love me, remember this. “if you love someone let them go, and if they come back to you, they’re yours to keep. and if they don’t they were never yours to begin with.”

sometimes I wish I could protest

I wish I could protest

I truly do

I’m passionate about the cause (fight the power)

I’m passionate about changing the world

 

But I just can’t protest

Because the idea of putting myself in a space where I’m unwanted is too much for me

The idea of being close to police is too much for me

 

I hate the police

I hate what they do to people who look like me and to those that don’t

I hate what they represent

I hate the fact that I tense up in the driver’s seat when I see a police car pass by me

I hate the fact that they could do whatever they want to me and I can’t stop them

 

I promised myself I would never put myself in that situation ever again

Where a man could take complete control over me

And I can’t let 13-year-old Mayah down

I promised I would protect her

I promised I would never let it happen again

I promised her

 

So I just can’t

Even though my heart is invested in the cause

Even though I’ve studied so much the facts jumbled up in my head

Even though everyone expects me to

 

I just can’t

Can I be honest? White men scare me

Not individually, but conceptually

The power, the ability to do things and get away with it, the privilege, the fact that they could kill me and not a damn thing would happen

 

So I don’t protest

Cause I need to protect my space

IT’S MY SPACE