so after my last blog post, something just clicked. the light bulb turned on, and now i feel ready to deal with my past.
i reached the lowest point i ever had last semester and since then i’ve been climbing. and now i’m at a high i’ve never been to. i’ve never had this opportunity before. i am now at a place where i can build relationships and truly love myself and others. you see after i was so broken, i was scared to grow close to anyone. the person i trusted, broke my trust. but you see it wasn’t all their fault. that was just the tip of the iceberg. it brought out all the insecurities i had- about not feeling good enough, a feeling i was too familiar with.
but this was just the beginning. i have grown so much this past year. i know that before i turned 21 i prayed to grow, but Lord knows I didn’t think i would this much.
you see i was isolated last semester because i had to learn to stand on my own two feet. to make decisions for myself without consulting someone else and to be proud of what i had created, no matter what. but after being that broken i was scared- to trust and to love. i’ve been learning daily that i am allowed to love myself and others, which was something i was terrified of. during my isolation, i learned how to take care of myself. i had it down to a T- i knew what i needed to calm myself down from a panic attack. but i didn’t know how to allow others to support me.
so that’s what I hope this semester is full of. i hope that i learn to remember that i have people that want to support me, but that i have to speak up. and that it’s okay to ask for help or to double text. that i have a support system that is bigger and stronger than i’ve ever had before.
i can do this. and now, i think i’m ready. i’m going to keep up with my self care routine and get into therapy. but i am going to do this knowing i am loved and deserve to be. that i am good enough, that i always have been and that i always will be.
Social media, along with society in general has taught us to compare our lives to others. That one definition of a relationship should be applied to all, and that if you stray away you’re being silly. I don’t believe that to be true. I believe that you should live your life the way you want. Make the decisions that you want, while working hard to support yourself- emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. These are all things that are really important. So I challenge you to challenge the status quo. Define your relationships to be what they are, and live your life to the fullest. It doesn’t matter what anyone does or says. That is their journey. You are on your path and you need to remember that. Also, social media only shows you part of a true relationships. And I mean relationships in the most general sense- whether it’s the one you have with your significant other or your parents. Everyone is different. My relationship with my mom is a lot different than my other friends. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with your relationship with your mom, I just like the changes that have occurred. The same goes to all types of relationships. You don’t know other’s life paths or journeys- because they are not yours. Live in your moment. Let someone else live in theirs. The moment you accept yourself, your life and your situation you will be happier. In addition, you will be more carefree. Try to just live your life. The social media “#goals” couples have so much more going on than what you see over a picture, YouTube video or Snapchat. Relationships are complex, and when you don’t understand the complexity you make assumptions and paint this picture in your head about what is really happening. It’s a trap. Decide what you want for your relationships and allow that the come into your life. You deserve to be happy and be content with where you are at. Life is a journey. Enjoy it.
Recently the topic of forgiving and releasing has come up a lot for me. So I decided that maybe it’s time for me to talk about it. Forgiveness is a complicated topic, because some believe that certain things cannot be forgiven. Everything can be forgiven. This is because that forgiveness allows you to be free. If you forgive someone for something, you are allowing yourself to be free. If something comes up, you have to understand that even if it’s not going your way that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. There is a path that you might not be aware of. But it’s all going to be okay. 💛
The picture attached is from one of my favorite school books, “To Kill A Mockingbird” by Harper Lee. I think this goes along with my post. You have to understand that everyone has a different path and that you are put in situations with others to learn. Life is honestly just a learning experience, you are tested then you learn. You have to understand that you’re on the way to becoming the best version of you. I know I reiterate that a lot, but it’s just because you need to understand that you’re on a journey. Though you don’t know where life will take you, it’s time to be open. You deserve to have happiness come to you. You deserve to have love come to you. You just have to be open!