within these past couple months i’ve been working on building a stronger relationship with myself. as with all relationships, this has taken a lot of time, consistency and effort.
yesterday i finished day 40 of 40 of walking at least three miles and day 11 of 11 of meditating twice daily (30 min each). Cultivating specific time for myself was a conscious decision. I chose myself of over things. I gave myself the time that I needed to just be. I gave myself permission to feel my feelings. to explore, let grief and whatever other emotions wash over me.
i have anxiety, so often it was really difficult for me to trust my emotions. i would be upset about “small” things. i would panic over situations where i later felt i shouldn’t have. one thing i really learned was that while feelings aren’t facts, they do have a purpose. i’ve been using the questions “What can I learn about myself from this feeling? What is it telling me I care about? What is it telling me I need? What can I do today to make space for all of my emotions?” while my feelings aren’t facts, they are messages. so feeling them and searching for deeper meaning has brought me closer to myself.
making promises to myself and keeping them has been something i’ve always struggled with. i would do things like say i’m going to bed early and not. or say i’m not going to work late, and still work late. i’ve been working on setting firmer, yet flexible boundaries with myself. last night, i said i was going to bed at 10, and i was in the bed by 10:05. i think things like that will not only help me feel better (more sleep lol) but let me know that i can make promises and come through, for myself, like i do for others.
just like how i’ve worked to train my dog to do things, i’ve had to work with myself to create habits that are long lasting.
i saw something recently that basically said how you spend your days is in fact how you spend your life. i want to spend my life doing things that i love. and that starts with intentional actions.
so cheers to myself. i’m currently trying to figure out what i’ll be doing next LOL!
today marks three months, of “quarantine”. on march 12th, i was told i no longer needed to report at the site i was student teaching at, that classes would go online, and everything suddenly, quickly, swiftly changed.
i opted to stay in georgia instead of going home. honestly, i didn’t have much of an option. there was no way that i could have made a 10, almost 11 hour drive alone. the plan was, always, for me to fly home.
we briefly thought about me driving half way, meeting my mom, aunt and sister, and them driving me the rest of the way. but then it became well how would i get back to georgia? what if stuff was closed along the highway- like gas stations? there seemed to be no clear way for me to go home. so i stayed.
i made goals for myself. i thought about what i wanted to be like when i came out on the other side. i wanted to be more grateful. improve my confidence. get into yoga and meditation even deeper. strengthen my already steadfast faith in God. eat better. be happier. and then like outward appearance things like longer hair (which is going QUITE well if i do say so myself).
i’ve learned a lot being in this space.
the quality of relationships outweighs the quantity. every time
i’ve gotten to think about who i REALLY want to talk to. and how often i really want to talk
i made a list and divided in into three parts: non-negotiables (have to have), preferences (really wanted), wants (i would like, but i could go without). it was two sections- work and personal. i tried to remain true to my desires- and focused on what i truly wanted instead of what was “reasonable”. i made decisions on the relationships i had based on these.
the desire for human contact is innate
we all just want to be loved. love transcends hugs though. it’s a complex feeling of security, based on action. more on lovehere
i’ve also learned that i’m really a hugger.
breaks for technology are important
breaks allow you to recharge and recenter. it’s important.
all of your emotional issues get stored in your body until you release them
as a yoga teacher-in-training, i would have to tell you meditation. to take time with yourself and become one with the Universe. meditation refers to the practice of stillness of the body and the mind. this can be sitting quietly and focusing on the flame of a candle (and releasing stress) or just breathing.
as a teacher, i would tell you to plan. get a planner. i recently got a passion planner and it has a bunch of resources on how to plan, they even have free calendars on their site available for download!
once you have figured out how you want to tribute to the greater good of our society, you have to have a plan. ask the Universe for guidance. allow yourself to be guided so that you can complete your task.
i’ve spent most of my time lately, at home. while i’m still in school, i’ve had so much more time for yoga and meditation, and healing. i’m astonished at how much i’ve grown, in just two months. honestly i feel like a new person.
one of the biggest things for me is looking at my life from a different perspective. from the perspective that everything is happening for a reason, which is to help me grow closer to God. it gives me comfort. i know that my experiences are teaching me things. “All you are is God and you cannot hurt me, thank you for being my teacher.” ive started thinking of my emotions as indicators of a problem and to be joyous when i find things to release. much of this is credited to my mom and Louise Hay (her book you can heal your life is AMAZING- 10/10 recommendation)
lately, i’ve been working through old emotions. sadness about things that i thought i had completely healed from. i’ve learned that old things come up so you can let them go. and to be grateful during this process of letting go.
i’ve also learned that forgiveness is based on being willing to forgive. and i’ve learned that you can forgive and choose to not continue the relationship. in my mother’s words, “you (the person being forgiven) took it too far.” sometimes it’s too far to rekindle a relationship. and all that means is you learned what you needed from them.
i’m also working on staying present more. i have a very active imagination and have my whole life. i daydream constantly. while i enjoy these qualities and know that they make me, me, i want to spend more time being engaged in the real world. to do this, i’ll keep doing yoga and probably start journaling more. i bought a passion planner which also has goal settings and prompts and stuff so i will use that as well.
as my chalkboard says “be intentional”. everyday i’m trying to be more of myself. to get to know me. and to be kinder to myself and the world.
i’ve been on this journey of self-love for years now. i made this blog back in 2014 and if you look back at old posts you’ll see me raving about what it means to love someone or even yourself.
the way i define love now is the commitment to the bettering of oneself or another. so when i think of self-love, i think of what i actually do to better myself. that includes a lot of things, like sleeping, buy nutrious food to eat, cooking for myself, doing yoga, etc. my self love practices answer the question- what am i doing to help me?
so what am i doing to help me? lots of meditation and yoga. lots of meditating in yoga. lots of yoga in my meditations. i’m at the point where i’m doing yoga and meditating twice a day. i probably spend at least 2 hours daily for both. and honestly, it’s been amazing.
i feel more like me. more like me than i’ve ever felt. when i work during the day (i’m in graduate school full time), i am more reflective. i am more thoughtful. i put in more energy to my work and it’s a better quality.
i show up for myself everyday. i can count on my hands how many times in this last month i have not done yoga.
loving yourself doesn’t be have to be anything fancy. it’s just setting an intention. when setting your intention here are somethings to think about:
what makes me happy?
when do i feel most alive?
what’s one thing i can do today to make the day great?
how is my mindset reflective of what i want?
is there anything i can do to make the best out of the situation i am in?
by taking the time out to answer these questions and ones similar to it, you’ll start learning to identify what makes you happy and how you can incorporate that into your life. to often people turn to friends and others to make them happy. true happiness comes from within! cultivating your own happiness is your responsibility. start small. you’ll see big changes.