sometimes I wish I could protest

I wish I could protest

I truly do

I’m passionate about the cause (fight the power)

I’m passionate about changing the world


But I just can’t protest

Because the idea of putting myself in a space where I’m unwanted is too much for me

The idea of being close to police is too much for me


I hate the police

I hate what they do to people who look like me and to those that don’t

I hate what they represent

I hate the fact that I tense up in the driver’s seat when I see a police car pass by me

I hate the fact that they could do whatever they want to me and I can’t stop them


I promised myself I would never put myself in that situation ever again

Where a man could take complete control over me

And I can’t let 13-year-old Mayah down

I promised I would protect her

I promised I would never let it happen again

I promised her


So I just can’t

Even though my heart is invested in the cause

Even though I’ve studied so much the facts jumbled up in my head

Even though everyone expects me to


I just can’t

Can I be honest? White men scare me

Not individually, but conceptually

The power, the ability to do things and get away with it, the privilege, the fact that they could kill me and not a damn thing would happen


So I don’t protest

Cause I need to protect my space


yoga is more than stretching

Very few people truly understand why I go to yoga religiously. And for a long time I didn’t want to share why, because I wanted to define my own life and tried to micromanage the images others had of me. I have chosen to define myself my way, and I know now that other opinions of me are simply just opinions. So it’s time to get deep. I strayed away from talking about God, especially on my blog, because I didn’t want to be one of those people. But I am close to God (in fact Mayah means close to God in Hebrew). My relationship with God is just a little different than the “traditional”. I do yoga because yoga allows me to clear the blocks of energy that are blocking me from connecting fully and completely with God. I get guidance from God and my angels during yoga. Yoga is an out of body, in body and spiritual experience for me. I do yoga because it makes me soul so happy and I always feel full of love after class. I do yoga because yoga purifies and cleanses the energies that no longer serve me and allows me to help protect my energy. Everyone has their own reason to do yoga, but that is mine. I started doing yoga consistently in June 2016. I was going through a rougher patch- a relationship that meant/means a lot to me was going through a transition and I was scared, I was going to college and I was scared. My whole life was about to change and then I started doing yoga. I’ve kept going since then. I even did it once (which was super hard) while I was in Ecuador. Yoga is so important to me, because being close to God is so important to me. And it’s time I shared that.


Names are very important. I’ve always been big on researching names and figuring out what they mean. It is important to keep in mind that you are given your name for a reason and that was especially picked for you. My name has multiple meanings: close to God in Hebrew and great mother in Greek. I feel that I do personify my name. People who know me, know that I don’t always capitalize the first letter in my name. It is because I was inspired by feminist bell hooks, who doesn’t capitalize her name. I read about her years ago and the fact that she just renamed herself seemed so powerful.  Whether you were named after your great-grandmother or your name just stood out to your mother, your name matters. It matters because you matter. Names are also important for self-identification, an important part of self-love (accepting yourself). Now while I’m not big into labeling, it is important to name what you like and do things that you like. You have to create the life that you want to life, by naming it first. I am currently finishing up the book the Law of Attraction by Michael Losier, who discusses how to attract things into your life by claiming (naming) what you want in your life. I recommend the book to everyone (I even got it for my best friend as her open house present). You truly have to name what you want and create a life for yourself. But the first step is naming, yourself and your life.