Tag Archives: kundalini

healing “too” fast

cues “too fast” by sonder.

a couple weeks ago, i endured a heart breaking loss, of my best friend. my favorite person. for about a week, i was confused, in shock and slightly in denial. for this week, it’s been mostly about accepting reality and trying to be more present.

so i’ve been doing a lot of intentional healing. more meditations and yoga (mostly kundalini), more space to think. and lately i’ve been having this fear of healing “too fast”.

like that i’ll heal and then she’ll back in and i’ll be over it. that i’ll no longer want to try.

and it’s been really getting to me.

ive been trying to live in this space of duality, where multiple truths exist. and while i acknowledge my feelings, i understand that it comes from a place of fear of change.

and me clinging to the past.

so how do i move past this?

by pushing myself to keep doing the healing. by keeping my faith strong in the fact that i KNOW all will be well.

even though it doesn’t feel well right now.

alone time

one of the things I love the most is my own space. I enjoy it just being me. Sometimes, especially if there are a lot of people, I will purposely not go do something simply just to have my own space. It’s not that I dislike being around other people, it’s because I’m learning to protect my energy. During the first kundalini class I went to with my mother, we did this exercise were we purposely discussed all of the things that were “going wrong” in our lives with God. One of the things I mentioned was “why can’t I make friends?”; majority of the friendships I’ve had have ended, and I only really have two friends, and I don’t always talk to one of them that often. And I got a response from God very quickly; He said “It’s because you need to protect your energy”. I am a ray of sunshine (these are words from others but I agree completely) and I am a healer. Because of this, I feel like people are drawn to my bubbly personality, my caring spirit and quirky ways. But I have to protect my energy. It’s currently been a period of adjustment learning to do that. I feel as if when I’m in a group who wants me to go along, I have to assert my independence. It’s stepping into my power and really taking control over my life and what I want to do. I feel that this is an important lesson for me. Because the work that I’m doing in this lifetime is extremely important so I’m learning to allow others opinions of me simply be their opinions. It’s a process. One thing I’ve been doing to help a lot is yoga and meditation. It’s really been helping. So as I sit in my room right now, alone I embrace this space. I wanted a single, but having to share a room is exercising this muscle of control over myself, my power and my energy. I completely get to choose who I do interact with and how much. So my answer to things has been no a lot lately and it’s liberating. I’m in the driver’s seat in my life. And I think I need this experience to love that role.