as a child i was very in touch with my emotions. as i grew older, i wanted to become more detached from them, but they would still always show up. just in ways that weren’t fun- like blowing up over “nothing”. i internalized a lot of emotions because they were big and i didn’t know how to deal with them.
quarantining (which is what i just have decided to continue calling our “new normal” of leaving the house minimally and not coming in close contact with others) has given me a lot of time to slow down and feel all the feels.
and y’all, it is not fun. people talk about being single as this liberating period of time, where you really discover who you are. and while i do believe this is true, it has proven to be quite a challenge to sit with my big emotions and actually sort through them. pinpointing my needs. figuring out ways to meet them. i would say dating myself is one of the most uncomfortable periods of my life, if not the most.
i constantly find myself wondering, “God when will this subside?” Like when do i get to the point where it’s a passive discomfort, not this active pain. and my answer to myself is always something like “girl i don’t know but i sure hope it comes.”
and i guess that’s what hope is right. the faith that something better will come. and that one day, it’ll be a little less difficult. so please remember, it’s okay to feel big emotions.
Life is truly about expecting who and what you are and accepting others for what they are. Often I feel like we share who we are, in efforts to see if others will accept us. In reality, the journey of life is about getting to know yourself, growing and accepting your being. Understand that your presence is essential, or else you would not be here right now in this moment. I was told recently that you are you own biggest supporter, yet you are your biggest doubter. And the biggest battle, is within yourself. This is a life long journey- loving yourself and takes consistent effort. What I’ve decided to start with is the little things. Start by rewarding yourself by taking me time. Do things that bring you joy. I painted yesterday for the first time in a while, and I’m blogging again. You’re worth celebrating, on your good and bad days.
I’m a strong believer in discernment and doing what you feel is right. But what I’ve been learning is that it is necessary not only to trust in God but to pursue the most clearest connection with God, so that all of the advice you receive is in it’s purest and clearest form. So as I continue to pray for discernment, I will continue to pray for the clearest, purest discernment, in all aspects of my life. I’ve gone through a lot of changes recently, which I will share later, but for now just remember that it is important to hear the message, but you must hear it for what it is, and follow it.
it’s been so long since i’ve posted. i think i just needed time. a lot has been going on emotionally and i’ve been going through a lot of changes. but it’s growth so it’s good. i’m learning to be happy within my space and where i am. i’m learning to trust God above all. i’m learning that everything happens for a reason. no matter what it may be, it all has a purpose. surround yourself with those whom genuinely love you. love that you can feel. love that you know exists. that’s the type of love you need. you deserve to be happy and to feel wanted and loved. in all of your relationships. you are valued and you are important. and only you get the opportunity to define that for yourself. you get to chose. so please choose love. it may be hard but it can also be so easy. choose happiness. put yourself first. sleep. eat well. drink water. love your body and your hair and your self. meditate. contemplate. stay inside sometimes and just take a moment to sit and breathe. you deserve to be present. you deserve your own love. so start acting like it.
Each day is a fresh start. You are able to begin the day by making decisions and end the day the same way. Everyone gets the same 24 hours. Make the most of each day. My father always tells me that after you subtract: sleep (8 hours), school or work (8 hours), eat (1 hour), miscellaneous calls (1 hour), social media (1 hour), and travel time (1 hour), you then have 4 hours to really develop professionally or personally. Appreciate each day. Things will always change and continue to get better, in the end everything will be better. Stay hopeful.