less than a month ago, i moved across the country. literally packed up my stuff and had it shipped. you see that was hard because it was on a time crunch and i felt like i was constantly running out of time and that if i slowed down any more everything i wanted and and hoped for would past me by and i would be unable to obtain it.
you see what people don’t tell you about moving is that everything changes. literally everything. and you see i should know this because i’ve moved before and maybe i have felt this pain before but right feels like my heart is coming out of my chest and i don’t know how i’m doing what i’m doing it’s just that all i know is that I was sent here for a reason and that reason was to help people. and that when i remember that it’s like i can finally breath again.
everything changes though. i’ve had to learn new streets, new laws, new historical facts, how georgia does this, how atlanta does that. and let me tell you, the South is very different from the North. i’m learning more and more how to be alone. how to be in this new space. and most of the time i won’t admit that it’s crazy that i thought it was a good idea to move across the country.
i’ve been crying all day. it’s like i want to stop but i cannot because once i opened the gate it’s like the river started flowing and flowing and it’s like now i have all this sadness left to deal with because i’m here and not there and i’m missing EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. i am missing everything that is going on with every single person i love because i am not there. and it’s hard because i have nothing to focus on here besides school and we all know you cannot stay sane and think about school 24/7. i have missed a baby being born. i have missed a fashion show. i will miss birthdays and celebrations and births. life has not pasued because i am not there nor will it ever.
and sometime in the future i hope i become okay with all this and i hope the plan is relieved but God knows that in this very momenet it is very hard for me and i am very sad and very scared because i am very sad and alone.