freedom – mayah's site

what is love? it’s an action and a tool for healing and social justice

if you would have asked me five years ago, i would have probably told you love is a feeling. you know love is there because you can feel it.

if you asked me today, i would have a much longer, complex response. hence, this post.

i want to start off with how i feel about love. i love love. i am learning how to love myself, how to love others and (most importantly) how to allow myself to receive love. to be honest, i had to make a choice- either to let the hardships i’ve encountered make me more or less open to love. with daily effort and intention, i am opening myself to receiving unconditional love from others. it’s a process.

okay so what is love?

bell hooks, in her novel All About Love, which you can find a free pdf of here (under resources), gives a defintion of love that when i read it, it literally changed my world.

so at this point, i was like alright, bet. love is an action. i have to do actionable things to love myself and others.

i started paying more attention to actions. (i eventually am now at the point, where i pay attention to how people’s actions make me feel and value that feeling as an indicator of what i should do next (most times LOL, it’s a process)).

i’m studying right now to be a yoga teacher, and as part of the training (as many courses do) we have spent a lot of time on yogic philosophy, much of which is rooted in eastern cultures (including religion). so we reviewed the 4 Aspects of True Love, which is given to us from Buddhism. (these are my summaries from my notes below)

maitri kindness: through being present and paying attention, learning how to love someone and doing it
karuna compassion: understanding the suffering of others and actively finding ways to alleviate their burdens (and actually alleviating them)
mudita joy: love is only love if it includes joy and brings happiness. with joy, love grows stronger.
upeksha freedom: includes external freedom, to have time/space, and internal freedom, space to be yoruself. practices must be implemented to create the sensation of freedom.

first, you must learn to love yourself like this. then others.

true love (which mind you, including familial and platonic relationships, as well as partnerships) requires action. it requires doing it right.

reading this, changed everything again. it was like i finally had a blueprint. i could combine the idea that love is an action and figure out in which ways i could be actionable.

this also made me think a lot about love languages. if you’re not familiar, gary chapman came up with this quiz, to see which of the five love languages you prefer: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, or acts of service. i read recently online, that the best thing to do with these love languages, is to figure out WHEN and HOW to meet all of them. i may have scored highest for gifts (which i LOVE, to me they’re a representation of thought and action), but there are times when i need actions that fall under acts of service. learning how to support others in the way that they want to be supported, falls under karuna.

if i had to give you a short answer, love is a commitment to supportings oneself (first and foremost) and others. it takes time to learn how to love yourself. how i loved myself before quarantine looked a LOT different than during quarantine. i’m sure that as i grow older, it will change. my commitment to myself will stay the safe. checkins with myself will help me learn how to love myself the most.

as far as loving others, that changes as well. depending on where they are in life. i feel that checkins and honest discussions with your loved ones (may they be a family member, partner, friend, etc) about ways that you can be supportive are helping.

so what does this have to do with social justice? hate, which is the opposite of love, is hurtful. therefore the person that has received hate, has to heal. through loving yourself, you can find healing for you.

“love heals no matter what has happened in our past, when we open our hearts to love again, live as if born again, not forgetting the past but seeing in a new way, we go forward with the fresh insight- that the past can no longer hurt us. mindful remembering let’s us put the broken bits and pieces of our hearts together again that is the way healing begins.”- bell hooks

bell hooks, in her novel, talks a lot about creating a beloved community, where everyone is being loved by one another and giving love. this space is successful. this place, in my opinion, is the goal of social justice work. to create a space where everyones needs are met (also known as equity).

i’ll let you with one last quote, from bell hooks-

the moment we choose to love we begin to move against oppression, domination. the moment we choose to love, we begin to move towards freedom, to act in ways that liberate ourselves and others.
bell hooks, in love as the practice of freedom.

love as the practice of freedom

maximize opportunities

our world has changed.

so what do we do know?

at first it can seem overwhelming to be at home, have more time to ponder and be unsure of what is going on in the world. here are some tips that i’ve used to create a smooth transition to this new life.

• clean your space- i started staying at home last Thursday and have thus far left the house twice (three times if you include that i got things from the store, brought them home and then went back out to the store). the first thing i did was clean. i disinfected and washed everything. it made me feel better and left my home a lot cleaner. everyday i have time scheduled in to clean so it’s not overwhelming. yesterday i cleaned the kitchen. today i cleaned my closets. tomorrow i’ll organize the kitchen and my desk. a little cleaning each day has made me feel so much better
• create a routine- these last few days i have strictly done no work and just taken time for myself. now that i’m ready to start working, i need a plan. i used the time block method so i have a calendar stating what i will do at what time. i know i thrive on schedules and want to maximize my time.
• do what makes me happy- yoga, eating good food, meditation, doing my hair and interactions with my loved ones make me happy. so i have carved out time for my favorite things within my schedule. a yoga studio i was thinking about doing YTT (yoga teacher training) at is currently offering free classes via YouTube. I did one today, as well as my own personal practice and it felt so good!
• invest in a passion- i’ve decided that i’m going to publish my poetry book i started last year during this time. i also have been wanting to rebrand myself (connecting my blog more to IG and possibly expanding into YouTube). so i’ll be working on content creation!
• healthy habits- “I’m only going to eat 1 cookie today.” and then you actually only eat one cookie. take this time to create healthy habits- working out, drinking at least 64 ounces of water a day, or even doing yoga. these are things people say they want to do, but claim they don’t have time. i get it- i never work out either. but i’ve decided i have no reason to not work out and will be doing so. struggling with your natural hair? take this time to learn it! check out my blog post (https://lovemayah.com/2019/08/29/my-hair-routine/) for my hair care regimen!
• creating firm boundaries- mostly with yourself and others. the consumption of fake news is at an all time high. choosing to not engage may be for the best. other boundaries can be harder but more worthwhile- choosing to eat 1 cookie instead of 3 is a good example.
• get some sleep- last but not least! get some sleep! taking care of your body is so so important! this is a time to rest and recharge! take advantage of it!

i’m writing a book (maybe? yes? no?)

yoga is the one thing in my life that will always make me feel better. writing sometimes makes me feel better, but always helps me think through what i’m going through. last year i started writing a book, about heartbreak and healing. it’s a collection of poetry that looks at heartbreak from multiple lenses, all from the perspective of the individual experiencing the pain. the collection in and of itself is raw, it explores many emotions that are painful and complex. i’m a few days into editing and honestly i love it. i can’t wait to see how the collection grows, what changes i make and how publishing works. while life is forcing me to sit and be still, i will be using my time to create, meditate and expand my yoga practice. i pray i grow stronger mentally, physically and emotionally. and i hope the same for you.

please enjoy one of the pieces from the book:

for years i was searching for someone like you
for someone to love.
i wanted more than anything to find you.

and today i looked up and i realized that i was the person i was waiting for all along.

that the universe was right that everything i needed truly was within me.
and i’m so sorry it took me so long to see it. but so grateful i see it now.

because my love you are amazing.
you are beautiful on the inside.
your heart is big and kind.
you think before you speak. you are deliberate with your words and on the occasion you are not you reflect. you think critically about what happened and why and what you were supposed to learn.
you work to diminish your ego, so that lesson may be easier for you.
because of your sensitive spirit words hurt you. and people hurt you. but you allow yourself to feel the pain and try very hard to get over it. even when it’s hard.
you admit when you are wrong. no matter how embarrassed it makes you feel.
and it took you a while to learn to admit when you needed help, but you’re learning it.

you love unconditionally and you set firm expectations
the act of you loving is healing to yourself and to others
you give just to give, but you demand to be respected.

you work hard to protect yourself and those you love.
your anxiety makes it so that you are prepared for every scenario possible because you made a promise to yourself over 7 years ago and you still work EVERYDAY to keep it your dedication to yourself and your growth is unparalleled.

you are loyal and honest. you hold the people you love to the highest standards because you know they can do it. you support without pushing, for you understand that everyone is learning where they are and if you interfere, they may not learn as much as they could. and to you, learning is the most important thing.

you know when it’s time to go. you leave early and return to a world that you created for yourself. you nourish your body and your soul, on purpose.

you stay away from things and people that have hurt you. you want more than anything to protect yourself. your boundaries with yourself may not always be easy to adhere to, but you know it’s worth it.

my love you are the greatest blessing in my world. you are a blessing to the world. and i promise that know that i see that, i will always remember it.

my time, my rules

as the new year has progressed, i have really been thinking and evaluating the relationships i have held and if they are serving me, for where i am right now. it is often hard because i hold a lot of relationships that have served me in ways in the past, but as of right now aren’t really bringing me joy. so like what do i do with those relationships? it’s not that i want to end everything forever, but right now they aren’t serving me. it’s a hard balance and has brought me a lot of sadness.

there are relationships though that i have truly decided i will no longer invest in. and it’s because of the interactions and how those make me feel. to me i feel like the basis of relationships is based on respect and if i am not respected i cannot participate in them. this realization has made me create a boundary that i think was necessary, but very hard to realize.

boundaries are important because we have to protect our peace of mind. you get to decide how much you want to invest in every situation. i had a realization today when i got a text i really just did not want to respond to. at first i was overwhelmed, mostly with anger. it was like part of me wanted to scream “I just don’t want to do this anymore!” and i had a moment where I told myself that I was grown, if I didn’t want to do it, I wasn’t going to. in that moment i felt so free. i don’t have to do anything i don’t want to do.

my first week of grad school has been mostly understanding and reading theory around oppression, in relation to race as well as education. oppression is a system but can also be the overwhelming control of a subject. there have been many times i have felt i had no control. but the thing is, in order to break a system of oppression it must be the oppressed that liberate themselves. i’ve been learning a developing a consciousness that makes me think of oppressive systems and relationships in my own life. between the thinking and the yoga, i’d say i’m getting pretty far.

Happiness

It’s really important to be happy. I don’t think I can stress that enough. Stress can bring only negative things into your life, such as illness and hair loss. You want to bring positive things like healthiness, good communication, happiness and love into your life. But like I’ve said before you have to open your heart to get to that point. It’s not always “easy” to change your patterns but I truly believe it can be done. I’ve discussed the idea that people can change with my younger sister. My argument basically was that people can change if they want to. Experiences change people and can help mold them into the best version of themselves. I know that people can change because I’ve changed. I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I put myself and my feelings first. Yes I still try to be considerate of others feelings but I put mine first. I just know that I will love myself the most out of everyone. One of my best friends sent me the picture attached (the one of Kanye West), with the caption “This is you”. It’s true. I know that I have to love myself because it’s the first step. It’s the first step to my journey in life. It’s everyone’s first step. You truly start living when you care about yourself the most. Because let’s all be real no one will care about you like you care about you. Ever. It’s not possible to replicate or compare how you care about yourself if you really do. You have to truly take care of yourself and love yourself so that eventually happiness will enter your life. Here’s my strategy: I only have good days. I might have a part of the day that’s bad, like I might have a rough morning, but I always have a good day. Each day is experience to be the best version of yourself possible. Every minute is. Every second. Do what you have to do today. Waiting until Monday to start something new isn’t going to help anything. Do it today. Do it now. Each day is a new beginning. Open your heart and see what the universe gives you. Love attracts love. Real attracts real. Keep that in mind