i don’t really have a title

i originally started this post on june 20th. i wrote the following, in a state of confusion and unsure of what i would really do:

i don’t really have a title for this post. because if i titled it, i would probably say, i think i might be moving, but it seems to early to say that.

in eight days, it’ll be six months since i moved to georgia. i was excited, nervous, and ready to start this next chapter of my life. i got into a great graduate school program. it definitely took some adjusting, getting used to being in georgia, but by march, i would say i was well on my way.

for the past three months, i’ve been sheltering in place, over 600 miles away from my family. it’s been a challenge to say the least. and as things are changing, it seems to be getting safer to go places, i finally made plans to go home. i think i’ve slowly, but steadily pushed past my fear of leaving the house.

i was asked yesterday why i don’t just stay at home, and it’s like well why don’t i?

if i’m being honest, it’s because that makes me feel like i would be giving up.

today, i have moved back home. sunday it was a week. we drove back 6 months, to the DAY, from when we drove down to georgia. i don’t know how long i’ll be here. i don’t know what the future holds. if i think too far it’s confusing and i’m unsure. i’m making decisions everyday to try to make myself feel good.

but what i do know is i’ve smiled more in the last week being at home than i have in months. i do know i missed the michigan sun in the summer time. i do know i’m in a safe space to work through my anxiety. and i do know, i’ve felt MUCH better. my screen time has decreased. i walked 2.4 miles yesterday.

it’s almost like i feel like a person again. like a real person.

i’ve been thinking alot about love and what it means to me. and how it feels to be surrounded by love. and how i want to be surrounded by love.

i don’t know what that will look like. i’m hoping it includes a puppy. so we shall see.

i’ve been learning that it’s okay for me to let people love me. and that while i was alone i learned to fill my bucket up all by myself (which i will say was MUCH harder when you’re stuck indoors). and i’m grateful. because i appreciate the yawn my mother makes when she wakes up, just a little bit more.


i’m laying down, its 6 am and i’m in my apartment in atlanta. that’s crazy for me to even say. i moved. across the country. my biggest accomplishment of the decade was graduating early with a 3.6. my biggest change was moving to go to graduate school. these things happened within the same month. within a month, my whole world has literally changed. while my heart aches, for fear of the new, it also smiles. this is my chance to start over. to be me from the beginning. i’m nervous while excited. sad but happy. the complexity of these emotions is interesting. it’s all new. all of it. so i am writing to tell God and my angels thank you for your support in 2019 and all the years prior. i devote this year to serving You and fulfilling my purpose.

day 1

December has been and always will be my favorite month of the year. In 23 days, I will be 20. To celebrate this I came up with the hashtag #24daysofmayah, where I plan on doing something special for myself every single day. These actions may be simple. Like today I went to a Gentle Yoga (Yin) class.  Also, I decided that each day I will make a blog post about something I’m grateful for, learned, etc.

So here is day one.

I am grateful for my growing connection to God. My whole life I’ve been close to God (that’s actually what mayah means), but within the last month the connection has become stronger than ever. In every aspect of my life I’ve been able to see God working. I am grateful that in my moments where I’m unsure, I can turn to God and feel comfort. To stay connected to God, I do yoga and meditation. I meditate every day and go to yoga about three times a week. After meditation and yoga I always feel so much more connected with God and at peace with my being. The tasks that I have been given in this lifetime are plentiful and I thank God for giving me the opportunity to serve Him.

it’s almost my nineteenth birthday

In honor of my nineteenth birthday coming up, I’ve decided to do some self-evaluation and meditation. Beginning this new chapter of my life, I want to clear the old and work on being the best person possible. I’ve decided to do some meditation and start having very deep conversations with people close to me. This has really helped me evaluate my relationships. My goals for the next year include- publishing reports I’ve completed, becoming a better communicator, and being a better friend. I have realized that I’ve been holding onto things (subconsciously) that have hindered my personal relationships. It is my goal to release these things and to be better engaged in my personal life. I am very happy with the relationships I hold now, and I want to continue growing. My birthday is special to me so I’m going to do a little work on me.