Tag Archives: big change

practicing non-attachment (in action)

whew y’all. i’m upset.

on february 1st, i ventured out to by this snak epalnt. it was to help my asthma. i tended to it a lot while being alone in quarantine. but when i got home and got my dog hope, i took breese (my plant) to my grandparents. i didn’t want hope to eat her and i didn’t want her to be eaten.

snake plants are pretty much known for not being killable. they are resilient. they bounce back. two weeks ago she was thriving. and now her old leaves are vanishing, while new ones are coming.

my initial thought was my plant is dying. i killed my plant. but in reality, i may or may not have.

i guesss what was the most upsettting was the intial feeling of not doing enough. but i did. could i have done more/maybe? but for where i was, i did exactly enough. she was watered. she was feed with soil.

i’ve been really trying to practice nonattachement. but i’ve struggled with pouring into something and not getting the result i wanted?

i guess the following questions i have are:

wsas it not worth it if she doesn’t survive? was her survival all that made it worth it? am i not able to carry on if she dies? (like i know i can get another plant). what would make me want to say it’s not woth it if i didn’t get the resutl i wanted.

like she pruified the air. she kept me safe and clean. and i am so grateful.

it’s just the idea of having to let go of something else honestly. to know i put time and effort into one other thing that might not survive.

but it really still leaves the question, is the survival of the plant all that makes it worth it? is it not the lessons? is it not the learning of myself?

so, i’m going to start over. i will pull the dead leaves, let her get a ton of sunlight (which snake plants don’t need much of but i want to give her some extra love. and love her lots for the next few weeks. whether she lives or not, i know i learned a lot from being her plant mama.

intentionally

i’ve been on this journey of self-love for years now. i made this blog back in 2014 and if you look back at old posts you’ll see me raving about what it means to love someone or even yourself.

the way i define love now is the commitment to the bettering of oneself or another. so when i think of self-love, i think of what i actually do to better myself. that includes a lot of things, like sleeping, buy nutrious food to eat, cooking for myself, doing yoga, etc. my self love practices answer the question- what am i doing to help me?

so what am i doing to help me? lots of meditation and yoga. lots of meditating in yoga. lots of yoga in my meditations. i’m at the point where i’m doing yoga and meditating twice a day. i probably spend at least 2 hours daily for both. and honestly, it’s been amazing.

i feel more like me. more like me than i’ve ever felt. when i work during the day (i’m in graduate school full time), i am more reflective. i am more thoughtful. i put in more energy to my work and it’s a better quality.

i show up for myself everyday. i can count on my hands how many times in this last month i have not done yoga.

loving yourself doesn’t be have to be anything fancy. it’s just setting an intention. when setting your intention here are somethings to think about:

  • what makes me happy?
  • when do i feel most alive?
  • what’s one thing i can do today to make the day great?
  • how is my mindset reflective of what i want?
  • is there anything i can do to make the best out of the situation i am in?

by taking the time out to answer these questions and ones similar to it, you’ll start learning to identify what makes you happy and how you can incorporate that into your life. to often people turn to friends and others to make them happy. true happiness comes from within! cultivating your own happiness is your responsibility. start small. you’ll see big changes.