i’m up, but i should be sleep. i’ve been trying to calm my mind, through meditation and clearing old things. life has been a little hectic and i’ve been feeling overwhelmed. but i was lead to think about my boundaries and realize i only have to do what i am comfortable with. my actions will reflect my greatest and highest good and to trust my gut instinct no matter the consequences. earlier when i was feeling overwhelmed i was worried i was inconveniencing others, when in reality i need to analyze what was inconveniencing me. so i addressed the situation and said no. you see that’s been an issue for me for a while to say no because i get worried sometimes about how things will play out. but i have realized the show will still start without me. i have to do what’s best for me.

and by setting boundaries it is my hope that i will get to do all i have hoped for and more. but again- when you’re doing for others you get to make the rules. when you volunteer you get to say actually no i can’t. or that you need a minute.

take time to take care of you and your needs. you are the most important person in your world for without you all relationships you hold would stop existing.


i was reading last night about how friendships are necessary because they help you learn how to love- how young children use familial and platonic relationships to create expectations of love.

then i got to pondering about my friendships, or rather my lack there of. throughout my life, i’ve cycled through friendships. it got to a point where i was almost having a new “bestie” per year. and i’ve got to thinking about why.

at this point i feel that most people i know have a really close friend, who they spend a lot of time with and care about. so it has allowed me to understand how they want to be loved/cared for. so when i see them interacting with others, i see expressions of love.

but when i reflect, i don’t see reflections of love. and it’s not that i have the same expectations for how they act in other relationships, it’s that i see that there is minimal effort put into loving and caring about me.

so my current dilemma is how to handle it. is it that i express how i want to be loved? or is it that i accept the persons actions and allow them to be themselves? in the latter that involves me making other decisions for the friendship, such as distancing myself for healing purposes.

but it leaves me in this cycle where i feel like i am getting to know people, seeing how they act, sitting back and realizing im not their to pick as a friend, but they’re mine. it’s longing for a friend that loves me and actually wants to hang out with me.

i am trying to be optimistic and prayerful for a friend. hopefully on this mountain i get one.

rice water

so what are the benefits of using rice water? you may have heard that rice water defines your curls. it does! so i’ve started to incorporate rice water into my weekly routine. below i’ll go into why and how i use it


i started using rice water because i was reading about the benefits of protein treatments and how the proper moisture protein balance really is what will define your curls. so i wanted to incorporate more protein. rice water is a low grade protein treatment- it’s not heavy like the ones you can purchase. i like that because i don’t have to worry about it making my hair super hard. since using it, i’ve had less frizz and more definition.


so normally the day before i want to do my hair i put a mix of rice and water into my mason jar. i leave it sitting out on the counter til i use it- i make sure it sits for at least eight hours. OR i’ll boil rice and add extra water and pour it into a cup. from either method, i pour the water into a cup, making sure that there is little to no rice in it. then once it’s cool (if it was boiled). i shampoo my hair. then i pour it into my hair (like a rinse) and then tie it up with a pony and put a shower cap on. i leave it in for 15 minutes, then i rinse it out. I will either then rinse it out with water or shampoo it out (it depends- if feels like a residue is left, just shampoo it) and then i DEEP CONDITION. this is essential!!! it keeps your hair from getting hard. remember the goal is the moisture protein BALANCE.

I then style as normal- i’ll make an update post on my hair care regimen- it’s changed so much.

everything you need is within you

In my yoga class today, we discussed the importance of yin yoga. And my instructor was explaining that yin yoga, since it is a slower practice, forces you to go within yourself. Last year, I really found that yin helped me heal a lot, but I think it’s because I needed to start focusing on myself more. I needed to start to understand that the feeling of love and happiness that I desire is within myself. And that I have to be the one that loves me. I mentioned in another blog that I was transitioning out of a relationship that meant a lot to me. One of my fears about doing so, was that since this relationship was with someone who knew me so well, that if it didn’t work out, was anyone else going to love me? I recently have gotten to a point where I realized that I am enough. It is enough that I love me. Looking to others for so long has left me unhappy. But when I’m doing yoga, or sitting in silence, or meditating, that’s when I feel whole. I feel whole when I’m balanced, which only I can do for myself. Around this time last year, I had a life changing conversation with God; I was upset because I was struggling to maintain friendships. I was like why can’t I have any friends?! And His response was “To protect your energy”. After that I changed the way I view relationships. I am conscious of my energy, and beginning to really think of my presence as well. What I need is within myself, and in order to have things outside of myself I need to be balanced and stay within my own space. But this is where boundaries and things of that nature are important. I will be available for what I want to be. And if I don’t, then I won’t do it. I deserve to have my space respected and so do you. You are enough. Always remember that.

the universe

Day 26

Emotional balance is always important. Life is really a juggling act- you have to learn how to balance everything that matters. But it is always important to put yourself first. You cannot take care of others effectively without cherishing yourself! Now don’t get me wrong it is important to be of service to others and be active in your life, but the first person you have to take care of is you! You deserve to be treated the best, and no one can treat you better than you can. You understand your desires and needs better than anyone else. You’re special! Always know that.