relationships – Page 2

caring

I absolutely love the picture below. I feel like in embodies what it means to love someone. Loving someone is about accepting them for who they are and wishing for their well being. In relationships, especially if you are very close with them, it is very normal to argue or be angry with the other person. The releasing of this anger is completely natural and allows you to remained balanced. In reality not expressing your anger can lead to unbalance and illness. So during these expressions of anger, you have to be careful of your words. Saying things or doing things you don’t mean are harmful to yourself and the relationship. But in reality, what I’m trying to say is when you’re mad it doesn’t mean you no longer care about them, it just simply means that your mad. So to look at this photo of this old couple who are obviously having issues, but to see that he is still taking care of her is precious. Just because you’re mad doesn’t mean you shouldn’t show how much you care, in reality it’s probably the time that your actions speak the loudest. When I mentioned earlier about watching what you say, it specifically is related to the second picture, which relates to my post about mercury being in retrograde (which is what is happening right now). The link to that post is here. Just make sure your words and matching what you mean. Sometimes it can be hard to do that, but your effort is more important than anything else!

the phone works both ways

While I do know that mercury is affecting communication heavily, there is a certain amount of responsibility in communicating (this number is not a very large one but it is important). One thing I have been doing is seeing how much of an effort people are making to communicate with me. I enjoy talking, so I feel like I’m more likely to make the effort to communicate with someone else. And what I’m referring to is like friendships, which I feel like should be 50-50 (I don’t believe the same for romantic relationships which I’ll talk about later). There are a few reasons why I’ve been trying this out.

Friendships

Friendships should be 50-50. Friendships do require a lot of work and attention, which is why it should be mutual. If you always feel like you’re the one making more of an effort to talk to them, think about what’s really going on. There could be a variety of different issues, but I just think it’s important to think about. If you’re close friends with someone, talking to them often is going to keep the closeness. This is especially important in long-distance friendships, because going from seeing someone every day to not seeing them can and will change things. You just have to know what kind of friendship you are looking for. Also, pay attention to why people are communicating you. Is it always that they need something? What happens when you tell them good news? What happens when you tell them good news and they’re not content with where they are in life? Answers to these questions matter. Go out of your way only for those who deserve it. Am I say that you can’t still be friends with them? No I’m not all I am saying is you need to evaluate your friendships, because friendships can make you or break you. And in your life you only need to have room for those that build you up. But you also have to evaluate what kind of friend you are. What happens when someone tells you good news and you aren’t happy with where you are in life? What kind of friend do you want? Is that the friend that you are being? Self evaluation is just as important as evaluating your friendships. Because just as you want good friendships, so do your friends!

Romantic relationships

This conversation is solely based off of my experiences and what I feel would make a successful relationship. Communication should be mutual but it shouldn’t always be 50-50. I think 60-40 works just a well. I say that because everyone wants to feel wanted. So the additional 10% effort will allow your significant other to feel really wanted, which allows for better communication and overall a better relationship. Overtime though the other person has to take over the 60, so that you both go through periods of feeling very wanted. It should feel like- “oh (insert name) is showing me so much affection, I’m going to do *insert surprise*”. Over time this will continue to go back and forth. I think that is very healthy and allows you both to feel appreciated. Feeling appreciated is really important due to the fact that it leads to a sense of security. The sense of security created from feeling wanted allows you to rid yourself of any insecurities. Insecurities test relationships, but in certain cases they ruin them. Everyone has insecurities, but if you’re secure in your relationship it can be successful. But also remember to pay attention to how you feel. Go with your gut feeling. If you’re feeling that something is right and you’re feeling secure then go for it! Just remember that you are special and you deserve to be valued!

open to love

A lot of what I talk about on my blog is about self love. A huge part of self love is being open to love. I recently finished the Ebook Lost in Us by Layla Hagen. This book was free on iBooks and I really liked it. One of the main points in the book was to discuss how you have to release your past and be open to loving. Though people may love themselves, you have to be open to receiving love (and feeling that you deserve to be loved). One of the reasons I want to teach is to teach children that they deserve to be loved. Honestly everyone deserves to be loved. Sometimes people just forget that they too deserve love. You deserve an unconditional love, that you must be able to give yourself (first and foremost) and give to others. Recently, my sister and I realized that we love more unconditionally in comparison to others (how they love us back). Sometimes this happens because people don’t know how to love, or they just aren’t open to receiving unconditional love. This doesn’t mean that you’re supposed to stop loving other unconditionally. This just means that you need to chose wisely on who you are loving. Not everyone deserves your unconditional love. Your love is precious. You’re precious. So you deserve to be loved and love others. Just remember that you have to open your heart and enjoy life!

healing

After a breakup it can be kind of challenging to understand how to start the healing process. Below are some tips to help you heal from an end to any kind of relationship.

Be open to your emotions

When relationships end you’re naturally sad. Allow yourself to really feel your emotions and get them out (crying is a great form of release). Sometimes it’s easy to think “I shouldn’t be crying over *insert name*.” But if you’re sad you should be. If you don’t, the emotions will get stuck which can lead to imbalance and illness. If you are at the point where you’ve gotten sick, I recommend Louis Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life book. It is a free pdf and towards the end of the book she explains the illness, the cause (emotionally) and a positive affirmation to repeat. You should repeat the affirmation multiple times per day, and when you do repeat it do it at least three times.

Meditation

Meditating allows you to clear your mind and release old emotions. I spoke in my post on meditation and healing how I love to meditate outside because it just grounds me so well. Here’s the link to that post- https://lovemayah.wordpress.com/2016/07/01/meditation-and-healing/. Also taking a warm bath with salt water helps to ground you. You need to take care of your body, especially after the end of a relationship. It can be easy to stop taking care of yourself if you’re upset. You just have to remember that the relationship ended for a reason and you’re on the right path.

Exercise

This is an important part of taking care of yourself. Good exercises are yoga (which calms you down) and walking (and I mean like long distances (like I walk about three miles). It’s going to keep you healthy. This is a very important time to take care of you!
Everyone heals differently from different situations. Remember that judging yourself and suppressing your emotions only hurts you in the long run. So express how you feel and understand that you’re going through a healing process. In time all will be well.

how to know your relationship is over

No one gets in relationships to break up. When you enter a relationship your goal should be to be with that person. I’m not saying that you should be thinking marriage right off the bat but after a while (which is relative to the situation), it’s normal to start thinking about whether you would want to be with that person for life. Life is constantly changing and sometimes (sadly) relationships have to end. But there a signs to know when your relationship is coming to an end. Below are three major signs that your relationship is coming to an end.

Lack of communication

Communicating in a relationship is like eating healthy foods- it’s not “mandatory” but it is key to a healthy lifestyle/relationship. Without proper communication there will be unresolved issues, which can turn into unresolved recurring issues (which I’ll talk about). Bad communication allows arguments to happen. If you can communicate properly and work out your issues, then your relationship will be healthier. You always have to remember that effort works both ways. If the person doesn’t seem to want to work on communicating, that is a red flag that this relationship might not be right for you. You deserve someone who wants to make things work- so if they’re not it’s time for you to reevaluate the relationship.

Distance

Distance is good for relationships. It allows you to be your own individual people and keeps you from “losing” yourself by giving too much in a relationship. But at a certain point distance is toxic. I’m referring to the fact that relationships thrive on interaction. While being apart is good, little to no interaction may leave you feeling like you’re single while you’re really in a relationship. If you get to the point where you’re feeling like you never see them or they’re not making time for you consistently, it may be a sign that they don’t want the relationship anymore.

Unresolved reoccurring issues

All relationships have issues. But if it seems that there is truly a central issue, you have to really think about the five w’s and h:

who- who is affected?

why- why does this keep happening?

what- what can we do to solve this?

where- where does this problem start?

when- when is enough enough?

how- how does this problem keep happening?

These are good questions to use to really evaluate what is going on in your relationship. Some reoccurring issues can be solved but if it seems as if you’re always arguing over the same thing, it may be because you both want different things.

Relationships end for a variety of different reasons and you have to understand that this is all happening for a reason. And that everything is in divine order. Eventually you’ll understand why the relationship ended and be content. Time heals all.