the way you view the world is through your own eyes. as you age, you are taught to try to view the world from other perspectives, or through the eyes of others. sometimes, depending on the situation, it may be difficult, but with practice I believe it get easier. today i’d like to discuss my perspective on a situation that’s a little close to home for me right now- what to do after a breakup.
when I use the term breakup, I am referring to an end of a relationship, whether it was a friendship, romantic relationship or anything in between.
breakups can be difficult. but when others around you breakup, it can leave you in a difficult position. often, people feel that they have to chose one side or the other. honestly, i don’t think it’s possible to avoid choosing a side. within the breakup, you were closer to one of the people, you had to have been. and i think you just will have to examine the whole situation. my advice is to look at the whole situation- look at the actions that took place. often people say “well they didn’t do that to me.” though this is true, it is important to remember that actions reflect values and morals. so though they may not have done it to you, they think it’s acceptable to do to others, which means they may do it to you. i think the best idea is to use this as an opportunity to understand people and their personalities. if you don’t agree with the way one person treated the other, then siding is okay. it may be difficult to stay neutral, depending on the person. but it may be possible. as long as you understand what type of people both people are and then decide that you want to be friends with both people, then try. the best idea also is to talk to the people that broke up: be clear with your intentions. saying “look I’m going to hang out with “insert name”, because of “insert reason”” may be beneficial.
if someone does it to someone else, they may do it to you. make sure you’re hanging out with people whose morals are high and are nice people. part of being a nice person is actually being nice to people. remember that!
I haven’t had much time to blog, but I have so many things I want to talk about. I finish school next Wednesday (yay! freshman year is done!), so I’ll blog about those things later (don’t worry I have a list going). I just wanted to talk about something me and one of my friends were talking about earlier. In relationships, sometimes people want more of you than you can give. this is something that is natural and may occur. When this happens, it is important to let that person go. Sometimes people want things from you that you can’t give, and sometimes you want things from people that they can’t give. All this means is the relationship is not right for you. Therefore it means it’s time to move on! Everyone is in your life for a reason and you have to thank them for that. I know for me, I’m a free spirit. I need space to be myself and be appreciated for that. And that’s in all the relationships I have. For some people that works, for others it doesn’t. Accepting yourself for who you are and others for who they are is very important. Remember to be yourself! Love yourself. You deserve it.
Social media, along with society in general has taught us to compare our lives to others. That one definition of a relationship should be applied to all, and that if you stray away you’re being silly. I don’t believe that to be true. I believe that you should live your life the way you want. Make the decisions that you want, while working hard to support yourself- emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. These are all things that are really important. So I challenge you to challenge the status quo. Define your relationships to be what they are, and live your life to the fullest. It doesn’t matter what anyone does or says. That is their journey. You are on your path and you need to remember that. Also, social media only shows you part of a true relationships. And I mean relationships in the most general sense- whether it’s the one you have with your significant other or your parents. Everyone is different. My relationship with my mom is a lot different than my other friends. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with your relationship with your mom, I just like the changes that have occurred. The same goes to all types of relationships. You don’t know other’s life paths or journeys- because they are not yours. Live in your moment. Let someone else live in theirs. The moment you accept yourself, your life and your situation you will be happier. In addition, you will be more carefree. Try to just live your life. The social media “#goals” couples have so much more going on than what you see over a picture, YouTube video or Snapchat. Relationships are complex, and when you don’t understand the complexity you make assumptions and paint this picture in your head about what is really happening. It’s a trap. Decide what you want for your relationships and allow that the come into your life. You deserve to be happy and be content with where you are at. Life is a journey. Enjoy it.
Obsessing over having a serious (possibly monogamous) relationship is not healthy. I see it all too often on social media, from both men and women. It’s a problem. And I’ll explain to you why. Being in a serious, healthy, loving relationship is a lot of work. Relationships take time, respect and love. Obsessing over why you might not have one is only hurting yourself. If you’re single, take this time to focus on you. Think about what you want for yourself, for your life and for your love life. Stop obsessing over others lives- social media doesn’t even show have the relationship. Find yourself. Love yourself. You are you, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Being involved in someone’s life is such a beautiful and precious thing. It needs to be treated as much. Social media has created these ideologies that if you’re single there is something wrong with you, or that you need to aspire to date someone who completes you. Yes the instagram couples might be cute. But there is so much more to them then you know. You should only be in competition with yourself, to be the best person you can be everyday. That does not mean you should compete with others (which is what you’re doing subconsciously). Take time to attract what you want in a relationship and grow as a person. You need to love yourself before love can find you. And be open to letting love find you. Go places. Meet people. Live your life. And then see what happens. You deserve happiness and love, and sitting on social media crying about it is only hurting you. Love is simple. People are sometimes complicated. There is so much more to love than people discuss on social media. Love is supporting someone when they don’t believe themselves. It’s being their biggest cheerleader. It’s completely accepting the people for who they are and loving them unconditionally because you’re in love with their spirit. It’s giving someone the space to grow and growing with them. Relationships take a lot of work. And when they’re with the right person it’s more than worth it. Let the right person enter your life. Take a risk and you might just surprise yourself. But the first step to finding love, is getting off your phone and starting to live your life.
“the truth will set you free”. I really believe this to be true. Honesty is always something that is necessary to have any type of relationship. I believe that if you are honest, it displays that you’re more serious about the relationship (even if it’s just a friendship). Being able to communicate openly and honestly is a really big deal, because it’s what brings people close. And I’m not saying that you have to tell everyone your business. I’m just saying that in order to maintain healthy relationships, honestly needs to be a core value. You deserve to have people in your life who love you, who care about you and who are honest with you. But you also need to make sure that you’re that way with others. You cannot always change the situation, but you can change how you act and how you react. Be honest with yourself and really feel your feelings. Express how you feel- it does make you vulnerable but it really brings people closer. The first relationship I was really able to put this into practice was with my roommate Kaitlyn. Instead of making small talk, we talked about deep issues. Our fears, our dreams, little details that make us who we are. It has allowed for us to communicate effectively and really become very close. I accept her for who she is and she accepts me for me. This would have probably happened, but us communicating openly and honestly from the beginning really allowed for a great friendship to form. So I’m telling you- just be honest. Be upfront. Be vulnerable. Because you will learn so much more about yourself when you put yourself out there. Trust in the process because whatever is meant to happen will happen! Just be brave!!