I think I’m going to write a book of poetry. I’ve written so much within the last week; like 18 pages of poetry. Writing is a way to heal. And i’m committed to healing; I deleted all of my social media apps, and have just been trying to be in more positive spaces. One of my friends is going through a really similar situation, and she’s been really helpful. So I will keep writing, keeping healing and growing and I hope you do the same.
the pic is just one of my favorite poems (i love the form).
and now all i can do is write.
I literally feel like i cannot breathe
And the thing is, it’s not that I’ve never experienced this feeling
I have asthma
I know what it feels like to not be able to breathe
and to be 9000 feet above sea level and have to take my inhaler cause we’re climbing up hill fast and faster and i’m slowing down and i can’t keep up and we have to stop because i can’t keep going.
and then i can breathe.
I know what it feels like to not be able to breathe when a cop car is rolling past me as i’m oh so slightly speeding and stop to think, please don’t pull me over cause i’m alone and i don’t know what you’ll do to me.
this is different
in the worst way
this is the i can’t breathe cause i don’t know how to live without you because my life revolved around you and i wanted to marry you and have your kids and be with you forever and grow old together and love each other in this life and the next and the next and the next until the lifetimes end and our souls merge and we’re one.
i can’t breathe and i don’t know how to move on because all i keep thinking about is how sad you looked and that i can’t breathe so what if you can’t breathe either and how i can’t do this and i’m scared cause i can’t fucking breathe.
Lord please help me. I can’t breathe.