Category Archives: my life

what is love? it’s an action and a tool for healing and social justice

if you would have asked me five years ago, i would have probably told you love is a feeling. you know love is there because you can feel it.

if you asked me today, i would have a much longer, complex response. hence, this post.

i want to start off with how i feel about love. i love love. i am learning how to love myself, how to love others and (most importantly) how to allow myself to receive love. to be honest, i had to make a choice- either to let the hardships i’ve encountered make me more or less open to love. with daily effort and intention, i am opening myself to receiving unconditional love from others. it’s a process.

okay so what is love?

bell hooks, in her novel All About Love, which you can find a free pdf of here (under resources), gives a defintion of love that when i read it, it literally changed my world.

so at this point, i was like alright, bet. love is an action. i have to do actionable things to love myself and others.

i started paying more attention to actions. (i eventually am now at the point, where i pay attention to how people’s actions make me feel and value that feeling as an indicator of what i should do next (most times LOL, it’s a process)).

i’m studying right now to be a yoga teacher, and as part of the training (as many courses do) we have spent a lot of time on yogic philosophy, much of which is rooted in eastern cultures (including religion). so we reviewed the 4 Aspects of True Love, which is given to us from Buddhism. (these are my summaries from my notes below)

  1. maitri kindness: through being present and paying attention, learning how to love someone and doing it
  2. karuna compassion: understanding the suffering of others and actively finding ways to alleviate their burdens (and actually alleviating them)
  3. mudita joy: love is only love if it includes joy and brings happiness. with joy, love grows stronger.
  4. upeksha freedom: includes external freedom, to have time/space, and internal freedom, space to be yoruself. practices must be implemented to create the sensation of freedom.

first, you must learn to love yourself like this. then others.

true love (which mind you, including familial and platonic relationships, as well as partnerships) requires action. it requires doing it right.

reading this, changed everything again. it was like i finally had a blueprint. i could combine the idea that love is an action and figure out in which ways i could be actionable.

this also made me think a lot about love languages. if you’re not familiar, gary chapman came up with this quiz, to see which of the five love languages you prefer: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, or acts of service. i read recently online, that the best thing to do with these love languages, is to figure out WHEN and HOW to meet all of them. i may have scored highest for gifts (which i LOVE, to me they’re a representation of thought and action), but there are times when i need actions that fall under acts of service. learning how to support others in the way that they want to be supported, falls under karuna.

if i had to give you a short answer, love is a commitment to supportings oneself (first and foremost) and others. it takes time to learn how to love yourself. how i loved myself before quarantine looked a LOT different than during quarantine. i’m sure that as i grow older, it will change. my commitment to myself will stay the safe. checkins with myself will help me learn how to love myself the most.

as far as loving others, that changes as well. depending on where they are in life. i feel that checkins and honest discussions with your loved ones (may they be a family member, partner, friend, etc) about ways that you can be supportive are helping.

so what does this have to do with social justice? hate, which is the opposite of love, is hurtful. therefore the person that has received hate, has to heal. through loving yourself, you can find healing for you.

“love heals no matter what has happened in our past, when we open our hearts to love again, live as if born again, not forgetting the past but seeing in a new way, we go forward with the fresh insight- that the past can no longer hurt us. mindful remembering let’s us put the broken bits and pieces of our hearts together again that is the way healing begins.”- bell hooks

bell hooks, in her novel, talks a lot about creating a beloved community, where everyone is being loved by one another and giving love. this space is successful. this place, in my opinion, is the goal of social justice work. to create a space where everyones needs are met (also known as equity).

i’ll let you with one last quote, from bell hooks-

the moment we choose to love we begin to move against oppression, domination. the moment we choose to love, we begin to move towards freedom, to act in ways that liberate ourselves and others.

bell hooks, in love as the practice of freedom.
love as the practice of freedom
loved, guided, seen.

tres meses

today marks three months, of “quarantine”. on march 12th, i was told i no longer needed to report at the site i was student teaching at, that classes would go online, and everything suddenly, quickly, swiftly changed.

i opted to stay in georgia instead of going home. honestly, i didn’t have much of an option. there was no way that i could have made a 10, almost 11 hour drive alone. the plan was, always, for me to fly home.

we briefly thought about me driving half way, meeting my mom, aunt and sister, and them driving me the rest of the way. but then it became well how would i get back to georgia? what if stuff was closed along the highway- like gas stations? there seemed to be no clear way for me to go home. so i stayed.

i made goals for myself. i thought about what i wanted to be like when i came out on the other side. i wanted to be more grateful. improve my confidence. get into yoga and meditation even deeper. strengthen my already steadfast faith in God. eat better. be happier. and then like outward appearance things like longer hair (which is going QUITE well if i do say so myself).

i’ve learned a lot being in this space.

  • the quality of relationships outweighs the quantity. every time
    • i’ve gotten to think about who i REALLY want to talk to. and how often i really want to talk
      • i made a list and divided in into three parts: non-negotiables (have to have), preferences (really wanted), wants (i would like, but i could go without). it was two sections- work and personal. i tried to remain true to my desires- and focused on what i truly wanted instead of what was “reasonable”. i made decisions on the relationships i had based on these.
  • the desire for human contact is innate
    • we all just want to be loved. love transcends hugs though. it’s a complex feeling of security, based on action. more on love here
      • i’ve also learned that i’m really a hugger.
  • breaks for technology are important
    • breaks allow you to recharge and recenter. it’s important.
  • all of your emotional issues get stored in your body until you release them
  • you manifest the reality of your life
    • your thoughts matter. i’ve learned ways to be gentler to myself, reminding myself that i’m still growing and it’s okay to be growing.
  • self-control is a skill
    • and a very important one. i think of the long term goal and what want, and try to make decisions off that.
      • i take note of my avoidance and ponder on why i’m avoiding it. i try to think critically of my actions, with compassion, to see how i can help myself.
another mhn gem

karma

cause and effect. “what goes around, comes around”. karma is the basic principle that every action has a reaction. especially when i was younger, i found a lot of peace knowing that the universe, would handle things for me. i still do.

in yoga this week, the instructor was taking about being open. and how with karma, it’s based on your actions. being kind to yourself. take care of you. this is the best way that you can help heal yourself and the universe.

when i think about karma and what i’m doing to envoke good karma, it’s complex. how do i invoke good karma without causing harm to others?

i look at it this way- if it’s personal or universal. if it’s personal- does it leave me feeling better? if so, then yes. if not, then i will make necessary changes and be grateful for the lesson. if it’s universal- are others benefiting? who is benefiting? was that my intention?

every single thing comes back to intention.

karma is based in everything that i do. from taking a break when i need to, to writing, to reading, to silence.

so while the work of anti-racism and advocating may be tiring, know that you are engaging in good work.

you are promoting good karma for yourself and the universe, just like our ancestors did before us.

just a little joy from my favorite, morgan harper nichols

i’m so proud of us

i’m really so proud of the progress everyone i know is making. we’re defining boundaries, clearing up expectations and being our authentic, emotional selves. and for this, we just give thanks. while it might be difficult and you may feel you’re being overly sensitive or emotional, just know that it’s you growing. your emotions are indicators; take them as tools and use them to help you develop. you’re becoming the best version of you. challenge yourself. i promise it’ll be worth all the hard work.

lately i’ve been working on defining my boundaries. my only true job is to take care of me. so i’ve been working on starting to do that more. and while it’s a lot of work, i’ve already been reaping the benefits.

let this post serve as a little motivation, to keep moving forward, and to remind you that are you are seen, heard and love.

sat nam (truth is my essence),

mayah

curly

my blog started off being about hair; that was my first post actual (i gave out 12 hair tips). i love hair. it’s super interesting to me to watch it grow. and i love helping out friends and family with their hair.

so, i created a resource page, called natural hair, on my website where you can find out what hair products i like, a sample regimen i made for one of my line sisters, different styling options, and much more. you can also get there from my homepage!

please check it out! i’m so excited to share this with you all!