whew y’all. i’m upset.
on february 1st, i ventured out to by this snak epalnt. it was to help my asthma. i tended to it a lot while being alone in quarantine. but when i got home and got my dog hope, i took breese (my plant) to my grandparents. i didn’t want hope to eat her and i didn’t want her to be eaten.
snake plants are pretty much known for not being killable. they are resilient. they bounce back. two weeks ago she was thriving. and now her old leaves are vanishing, while new ones are coming.
my initial thought was my plant is dying. i killed my plant. but in reality, i may or may not have.
i guesss what was the most upsettting was the intial feeling of not doing enough. but i did. could i have done more/maybe? but for where i was, i did exactly enough. she was watered. she was feed with soil.
i’ve been really trying to practice nonattachement. but i’ve struggled with pouring into something and not getting the result i wanted?
i guess the following questions i have are:
wsas it not worth it if she doesn’t survive? was her survival all that made it worth it? am i not able to carry on if she dies? (like i know i can get another plant). what would make me want to say it’s not woth it if i didn’t get the resutl i wanted.
like she pruified the air. she kept me safe and clean. and i am so grateful.
it’s just the idea of having to let go of something else honestly. to know i put time and effort into one other thing that might not survive.
but it really still leaves the question, is the survival of the plant all that makes it worth it? is it not the lessons? is it not the learning of myself?
so, i’m going to start over. i will pull the dead leaves, let her get a ton of sunlight (which snake plants don’t need much of but i want to give her some extra love. and love her lots for the next few weeks. whether she lives or not, i know i learned a lot from being her plant mama.