tres meses

today marks three months, of “quarantine”. on march 12th, i was told i no longer needed to report at the site i was student teaching at, that classes would go online, and everything suddenly, quickly, swiftly changed.

i opted to stay in georgia instead of going home. honestly, i didn’t have much of an option. there was no way that i could have made a 10, almost 11 hour drive alone. the plan was, always, for me to fly home.

we briefly thought about me driving half way, meeting my mom, aunt and sister, and them driving me the rest of the way. but then it became well how would i get back to georgia? what if stuff was closed along the highway- like gas stations? there seemed to be no clear way for me to go home. so i stayed.

i made goals for myself. i thought about what i wanted to be like when i came out on the other side. i wanted to be more grateful. improve my confidence. get into yoga and meditation even deeper. strengthen my already steadfast faith in God. eat better. be happier. and then like outward appearance things like longer hair (which is going QUITE well if i do say so myself).

i’ve learned a lot being in this space.

• the quality of relationships outweighs the quantity. every time
  • i’ve gotten to think about who i REALLY want to talk to. and how often i really want to talk
    • i made a list and divided in into three parts: non-negotiables (have to have), preferences (really wanted), wants (i would like, but i could go without). it was two sections- work and personal. i tried to remain true to my desires- and focused on what i truly wanted instead of what was “reasonable”. i made decisions on the relationships i had based on these.
• the desire for human contact is innate
  • we all just want to be loved. love transcends hugs though. it’s a complex feeling of security, based on action. more on love here
    • i’ve also learned that i’m really a hugger.
• breaks for technology are important
  • breaks allow you to recharge and recenter. it’s important.
• all of your emotional issues get stored in your body until you release them
  • yoga, meditation, energy healing sessions and reiki have allowed me to release SO much. i’ve grown so much stronger during this pandemic.
• you manifest the reality of your life
  • your thoughts matter. i’ve learned ways to be gentler to myself, reminding myself that i’m still growing and it’s okay to be growing.
• self-control is a skill
  • and a very important one. i think of the long term goal and what want, and try to make decisions off that.
    • i take note of my avoidance and ponder on why i’m avoiding it. i try to think critically of my actions, with compassion, to see how i can help myself.