my time, my rules

as the new year has progressed, i have really been thinking and evaluating the relationships i have held and if they are serving me, for where i am right now. it is often hard because i hold a lot of relationships that have served me in ways in the past, but as of right now aren’t really bringing me joy. so like what do i do with those relationships? it’s not that i want to end everything forever, but right now they aren’t serving me. it’s a hard balance and has brought me a lot of sadness.

there are relationships though that i have truly decided i will no longer invest in. and it’s because of the interactions and how those make me feel. to me i feel like the basis of relationships is based on respect and if i am not respected i cannot participate in them. this realization has made me create a boundary that i think was necessary, but very hard to realize.

boundaries are important because we have to protect our peace of mind. you get to decide how much you want to invest in every situation. i had a realization today when i got a text i really just did not want to respond to. at first i was overwhelmed, mostly with anger. it was like part of me wanted to scream “I just don’t want to do this anymore!” and i had a moment where I told myself that I was grown, if I didn’t want to do it, I wasn’t going to. in that moment i felt so free. i don’t have to do anything i don’t want to do.

my first week of grad school has been mostly understanding and reading theory around oppression, in relation to race as well as education. oppression is a system but can also be the overwhelming control of a subject. there have been many times i have felt i had no control. but the thing is, in order to break a system of oppression it must be the oppressed that liberate themselves. i’ve been learning a developing a consciousness that makes me think of oppressive systems and relationships in my own life. between the thinking and the yoga, i’d say i’m getting pretty far.

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