21, a summary

Today is my last day being 21. I lay in bed, on vacation, awake in pain. my stomach, like clockwork, hurts yet again. the pain is gut renching, i can’t speak for real, can barely stand, and make it up just enough to go take my herbal laxative, get a piece of mint gum and some water. this has become a part of my normal routine. and i am tired.

21 has been a very hard year for me. i have grown in so many ways and a lot of times it was situations forcing me to reflect and grow, which was uncomfortable. the pain i have in my stomach is the same. so what’s the issue you ask? constipation. gas. my digestive system is off. i have tried so many things to get it on track but since i’m on vacation i haven’t been sticking to my new routine (hot lemon water first thing in the morning and i was thinking about drinking a glass of water before each meal). i’m tired. of the pain. of the emotional drain.

this is one thing I want to leave behind in my 21st year- the pain. i want to find better solutions that help me maintain balance, without having to do periods of intense cleanse (no dairy, low sugar diet- no sweets or anything with more than 11 grams of sugar). it’s restriction after restriction and me continually telling myself no when my heart and body says yes.

i want to feel better. i want to be better. but most of all, i just want some rest.