so after my last blog post, something just clicked. the light bulb turned on, and now i feel ready to deal with my past.
i reached the lowest point i ever had last semester and since then i’ve been climbing. and now i’m at a high i’ve never been to. i’ve never had this opportunity before. i am now at a place where i can build relationships and truly love myself and others. you see after i was so broken, i was scared to grow close to anyone. the person i trusted, broke my trust. but you see it wasn’t all their fault. that was just the tip of the iceberg. it brought out all the insecurities i had- about not feeling good enough, a feeling i was too familiar with.
but this was just the beginning. i have grown so much this past year. i know that before i turned 21 i prayed to grow, but Lord knows I didn’t think i would this much.
you see i was isolated last semester because i had to learn to stand on my own two feet. to make decisions for myself without consulting someone else and to be proud of what i had created, no matter what. but after being that broken i was scared- to trust and to love. i’ve been learning daily that i am allowed to love myself and others, which was something i was terrified of. during my isolation, i learned how to take care of myself. i had it down to a T- i knew what i needed to calm myself down from a panic attack. but i didn’t know how to allow others to support me.
so that’s what I hope this semester is full of. i hope that i learn to remember that i have people that want to support me, but that i have to speak up. and that it’s okay to ask for help or to double text. that i have a support system that is bigger and stronger than i’ve ever had before.
i can do this. and now, i think i’m ready. i’m going to keep up with my self care routine and get into therapy. but i am going to do this knowing i am loved and deserve to be. that i am good enough, that i always have been and that i always will be.