as I’ve gotten older, being by myself has become a treat. I often enjoy the space that it allows me to have, along with the opportunity to enjoy just my energy. At home, I’m not alone that often but at school I am.
My freshman year, I was scared by this and was never alone. And if I was it was for a short period of time and I was eager to no longer be alone. Though sometimes I get lonely, it takes a lot longer for that to happen. And to be frank, it’s because I don’t want to be bothered.
I’ve gotten to the point where I’m doing what I want when I want it.
I got invited to hang out on Friday and my initial reaction was like yea no that’s not something I want to do. So my response was that I will go if I feel like it then but as of right now my answer is a no. I reserved the right to cancel (which you always have, it just doesn’t always feel like it). I felt so proud after this. Last year this time, I went to a party with the same group of people, that I didn’t want to go to because everyone was going. Before the party, I took a nap and I overheard a couple of them talking about how they knew I was gonna end up going because I just couldn’t miss something. I lived with girls in Quito that just couldn’t miss something. After living with those girls, I realized how much more fun it is to say no and do what you want.
So that’s what I’ve done. There’s been more times that I’ve gotten invited to hang out and declined. It’s something so new to me and so powerful. I used to feel obligated to go or even just want to. I wanted to be surrounded by others. Now I just want to do what makes me happy. I leave when I’m ready and don’t always chat. But the best part is, I’m doing it because I want to.
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