sometimes I wish I could protest

I wish I could protest

I truly do

I’m passionate about the cause (fight the power)

I’m passionate about changing the world

 

But I just can’t protest

Because the idea of putting myself in a space where I’m unwanted is too much for me

The idea of being close to police is too much for me

 

I hate the police

I hate what they do to people who look like me and to those that don’t

I hate what they represent

I hate the fact that I tense up in the driver’s seat when I see a police car pass by me

I hate the fact that they could do whatever they want to me and I can’t stop them

 

I promised myself I would never put myself in that situation ever again

Where a man could take complete control over me

And I can’t let 13-year-old Mayah down

I promised I would protect her

I promised I would never let it happen again

I promised her

 

So I just can’t

Even though my heart is invested in the cause

Even though I’ve studied so much the facts jumbled up in my head

Even though everyone expects me to

 

I just can’t

Can I be honest? White men scare me

Not individually, but conceptually

The power, the ability to do things and get away with it, the privilege, the fact that they could kill me and not a damn thing would happen

 

So I don’t protest

Cause I need to protect my space

IT’S MY SPACE