be nice first

last night I came to a conclusion that honestly changed me. after a long conversation with my mom about my relationships in my life, I realized that I was afraid to let people be close to me. This is because of the past relationships I’ve had and how they’ve failed. Part of it is based off of fear that people will see me for the person I am and dislike me. But I have realized that someone’s opinion of me does not change the person I am. My actions, believes and heart create the person I am. Another thing I talked about with my mom was my “social awkwardness”. I just don’t know all the rules and social expectations in interactions with people that are my age, which is crucial in making friends. And honestly, after all I’ve been through I don’t know if I really want to make friends. My mom told me that the first thing I need to do is just be nice. This will involve me thinking about the way I talk to others. The job that I have as a teacher plays a crucial role in developing this skill. Since I’m working in a four year old classroom, I understand the way I interact with the children directly affects how they interact with other children, so I’ve been watching my words and my behaviors. I will just have to do the same with those that are my age. It’s going to be a journey, but I believe that being open will allow me to let more love into my life and overall be happier. I know it’s all going to be okay.

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